The Passing Place

Giving Up

2012-02-21T16:11:00.001Z

Today is Shrove Tuesday, and Lent is almost here again. Last year I didn't give anything up, but chose to take up blogging every day. This year I've decided to give up (drum roll please)... Facebook!

This should really have been what I gave up last year, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. This year, I really couldn't care less as I don't even go online every single day like I used to, and only spend about 5-10 minutes on Facebook on average (well, give or take a few...)

Had I done this last year, I think I may have reaped the benefits of having more time. This year I don't think it'll make a huge difference, but maybe I'll manage to do something productive with my the extra few minutes I gain each day. I'm beginning to get my priorities right in life and realise what really matters. I don't think I'll give up Facebook permanently like one of my (very sensible) friends, because I do keep in touch with a few people through social networking. But my 40 days in the wilderness may cause Facebook to dwindle into even more of an insignificance in my life.

Our New Home

2012-02-11T20:16:00.000Z

As promised, here are the photographs of our new house. I'm sorry they've been such a long time coming. There's been a lot going on in my life recently, and blogging has had to take the back seat for a while.

Spud, letting himself in for the first time, having just picked up the keys from the estate agents

The living room

The dining room (all 25 feet of it!)

The kitchen (from three different angles)

The master bedroom (our bedroom)

The spare bedrooms. No prizes for guessing the previous owners had daughters!

The bathroom, complete with double shower and bath with whirlpool action!

We were very lucky with our purchase as we nearly ended up with something that was literally half the size. Because this property was repossessed we got an excellent price. We are looking forward to moving in when we get married in August! In the meantime, we are getting in about twice a week to work on it.

Home At Last

2012-01-15T22:27:00.001Z

I haven't much felt like writing recently, but that's because the recent development I alluded to in my last post, has occupied most of my attention and energy over the last few weeks. I am now ready to make the announcement... Spud and I have bought our first home. It is a three bedroom end terrace, literally twice the size of the one we nearly bought back in November, and it's a dream come true. While it's in reasonable condition and suitable for moving into straight away, Spud and I aren't moving in until our wedding day in August. We've been calling in once or twice a week to work on it, and make it our own. Our priorities have been fortifying the security as we were burgled within the first few days of ownership. There wasn't all that much for the trespassers to take, but they got away with Spud's tools and a ladder. We have reason to believe the burglary was more to do with the house being unoccupied at the moment, and the back door (which was forced open) being insecure. We are not too concerned, but obviously it's not a nice feeling knowing that somebody has broken in and trespassed on your property, even when you don't yet live there.

We have met a few of the neighbours who are extremely friendly, and were very concerned to hear of our misfortune. One elderly gentleman has lived in the neighbourhood all his life, and said he has only ever had a piece of fencing stolen. He was in the building trade and helped us to secure the back door temporarily for us. We haven't met our next door neighbours, but we posted our contact numbers through their letter box, and they texted me the next day in acknowledgement, which I thought was very kind.

It is an exciting thing setting up house. We got the electricity working yesterday, and Spud spent the day installing a new lock on the front door while I cleaned the kitchen, dreaming about painting the walls the butter yellow of my vision. Even Spud saw my perspective and agreed to this!

I will upload some photographs of the house as it is now, just as soon as I get onto Spud's computer again.

Hello January!

2012-01-08T09:59:00.001Z

'Tis but the frost that clears the air,

And gives the sky that lovely blue;

They're smiling in a winter's sun,

Those evergreens of sombre hue.

Anne Bronte - 'The Arbour'

Everyone keeps going on about how much they hate January, but I for one am loving it so far and not just because of the positive developments that it has brought about so far, one of which I will write about very soon. My last few Januarys have been good ones, even last year when I was stuck in a job I hated and suffered spells where I was incredibly miserable. I love the combination of the brisk raw air and the clear winter skies, particularly as this January has been comparatively mild to those previously. I remember one especially lovely day a year ago when Spud and I went to the beach, and for some reason I took upon to wear a dress even though it was January and it was freezing. I was happy that day, the combination of weather, scenic surroundings and good company raising my spirits.

I think, for me, January is the most positive month of the year. I consider it a chance to start again, the new year's resolutions giving me something to aim for, and the opportunity to really think about what I want from the year. I've always engaged well with targets, and the results have been more than I could've hoped for so far. Sometimes my resolve to achieve these can ebb during the year, but January is the month that I am most determined to make things happen.

It has been a good year so far for my writing, despite the rejection letter I received yesterday from Women's Weekly magazine, after sending them my two best stories back in September. I was naturally a little disappointed and put out, but I took it in my stride and wasn't in the least bit upset as I might have been before. I didn't receive any feedback and was only told that my stories hadn't met the required guidelines, so I am going to write to them and find out what their guidelines are for next time.

In the last few days I've written a poem and the first twelve pages or so of a new project. I have been driven by my desire to be a writer, and inspired by the things I am reading at the moment (poetry by the Bronte sisters, 'The Tempest' and David Copperfield, for those who are interested). I will get their someday, even if it takes my whole life.

Yes, January has been kind to me so far, and I've had a good start to the year.

2011, A Summary

2011-12-31T11:19:00.001Z

2011 didn't get off to the best of starts. I was unhappy at work, and it was beginning to take its toll on my health and mindset. All I could do was pray for an escape route, and that came in March when I was offered a job at Sainsbury's. The job was nothing spectacular, and the wage barely enough to cover rent and petrol, but I was overjoyed with it.

At about this time, my grandfather deteriorated and passed away at the beginning of April at the ripe age of 79. I absented myself from my last two shifts to attend his funeral, and started at Sainsbury's a few days later.

The following months were fairly uneventful. I settled into my new routine, and took on as much overtime as I could get. Spud had to have a tooth removed in hospital, because of his heart condition, and while I wasn't there for the initial procedure, I had to take him back due to complications and witness the follow up surgery. Surprisingly, I could handle the blood. I think the worst part was Spud screaming as the injections were administered in his jaw!

Spud and I celebrated our 4th anniversary in the summer, and went out for afternoon tea in a hotel to mark the occasion. We didn't go on holiday this year, but we did spend a week at Bible camp as Tent Officers again, possibly for the last time.

In September, after sixteen months in unemployment, Spud was offered a job, and words can't express how relieved we both were. We made up for lost time, and arranged an appointment with a mortgage advisor who confirmed that we could indeed get a mortgage. We had already fallen in love with a little terrace house, and got proceedings going with that, only to be gazumped days before we were due to exchange contracts. We weren't disappointed for long, as Spud found us a house that was double the size. We exchanged contracts just before Christmas which means the house is safe and we are legally obligated to buy it. We complete next week and the house will be ours.

I wanted to say a personal thank you to everyone who has encouraged, supported, and prayed for me throughout the year. Thank you for being such loyal followers, and most of all, for being my friends. Next year is going to be a big year, and I may take a step back from blogging. That isn't to say that I'll stop altogether, but I think my posts will be a bit less frequent. I'll still continue to follow you guys though, and will post when I have news. Happy New Year! I hope 2012 will be a happy and prosperous one for you all!

#24 Christmas Message

2011-12-24T12:17:00.000Z

Yesterday seemed to last forever, but we made it safely home in the end. I was surviving on just three hours sleep after completing my final night shift, but the roads weren't as busy as I'd envisaged, or if they were, we weren't effected. After a false start, when Spud realised he'd left his driving gloves and glasses at home, we left at around 1430 and arrived around 2045 to a bowl of beef stew and homemade mince pies.

Despite being totally exhausted, I still managed to wake at 0530 today (due to my body clock being completely messed up, rather than excitement) although I dozed on and off for a bit (and no doubt will this evening). I spent some of the morning lounging about in my pyjamas with my mum, drinking coffee and catching up. The tree is up but it's really obvious my brothers decorated it this year. Honestly, I think even Little One could have done a better job!

Spud is now helping my dad change a punctured tyre, and I'm just taking the time to type a brief Christmas message, before settling down and watchign The Muppets Christmas Carol with one of my two favourite ~~muppets~~ brothers. I did create a video log for today's final Advent installment but it was so terrible that I couldn't bring myself to upload it. I may work on another for the New Year, so watch this space.

Anyway, what I was really meaning to say is, I wish you all a very happy Christmas. May it be a restful and peaceful one, full of fun and cheer. I want to thank every one of you from the bottom of my heart for sharing in my adventures this year. It hasn't been the easiest year, but I've made it through, and next year is looking to be a very exciting one indeed.

Love to you all,

Kess (and Spud)

#23 I''ll Be Home For Christmas

2011-12-23T14:05:00.000Z

I'll be home for Christmas

You can count on me

Please have snow and mistletoe

And presents under the tree

- I'll Be Home For Christmas -

As you read this, Spud and I should be travelling downwards to spend Christmas in my family. I have, by now, worked my last night shift, and I am probably tired, but excitement is spurring me onwards. This is my last proper Christmas at home. Next year Spud and I will make our own Christmas, incorporating traditions from both sides of the family, and making some new ones. We’re bound to spend some Christmases in my family’s part of the country, but I think it will be different. I will have a home of my own by then, so it won’t be Christmas at home. We may even be parents ourselves.

I am excited about spending Christmas with the five people I love the most. I am excited for the sight of the Christmas tree, with the lights, ornaments and decorations I’ve known since childhood. I am excited for those familiar Christmas songs flooding the house. I am excited for the old Christmas routines, traditions and games. I am excited for the taste of turkey, with stuffing, sausage and bacon rolls, brussel sprouts, and parsnip bake. I am excited for Spud to be there sharing it all with me. I am excited for a great many things.

#22 Angels We Have Heard On High

2011-12-22T14:04:00.001Z

#21 The Unscheduled One

2011-12-21T14:00:00.001Z

I was planning a Wordless Wednesday post for today, complete with some festive photos, but it just didn't happen. I was meaning to take some at Spud's since his family have a Christmas tree (Treasure doesn't have one), but my third card reader broke and I decided it would be pointless taking any photos when I couldn't upload them anyway. Spud did kindly buy me a fourth card reader, but I haven't been to his since.

So you will just have to make do with this aimless ramble from a girl who's had three hours sleep in the last 28 hours. I am in the process of searching for more, and if yesterday's anything to go by, I will find it in a couple of hours when it starts to get dark. As the shortest day of the year, this will supposedly be even earlier than yesterday, if only by a fraction of a minute.

In the meantime, I am munching dark chocolate Leibniz biscuits because that's what I woke up craving, and I don't really feel like venturing downstairs in the search of something more nutritious. Spud will be over later, and I will most probably sleep then, as will he no doubt because he always gets tired at the end of the day.

It's strange when your life suddenly revolves around sleep, and all routine gets thrown out of the window, but I am enjoying the novelty of pulling all-nighters and sleeping during the day. And I know I am over halfway through now, with just two nights to go. Just two nights to go until I see my family.

#20 Handmade Christmas

2011-12-20T11:31:00.000Z

I think handmade Christmas gifts are often the mostthoughtful and delightful of all. The following are my top ten, but they aren’tby any means in ranking order.

1. Knitted gift.This can come in the form of a scarf, hat, gloves, socks, a child’s toy... Choosethe right yarn and knit with care, and you could have something that looks likeit’s come from the knit wear department. If you’re a novice knitter, though, bewarned. It may be wise to stick to scarves until you have mastered yourstitches. I remember producing a rather disastrous pair of gloves for afriend’s birthday present once...

2. Truffles.Again, an easy make, but can look professional, particularly if these aredisplayed in a nice box. Recipes can vary, but Spud and I tried one consistingof melted chocolate and fine biscuit crumbs, which we’re going to use to makewedding favours.

3. Crossstitch. The thing I like about cross stitch is that it can be used in a varietyof gifts: bookmarks, murals, Christmas tree decorations... And there are somany different designs that the stitcher can improvise to create something tosuit everybody.

4. Giftboxes. While this isn’t strictly handmade, it can incorporate other handmadegifts. Take a box or basket, and fill it with little gifts that the recipientwill love. Another variation on this idea is to make a stocking and fill itwith small presents. This is something that might suit an adult or a child

5. HandmadeChristmas cards. Not a gift, but could mean a whole lot more than a shop boughtgift. Handmade cards can stand out from all the rest. I have received somelovely ones in time, many of which were made by my soon to be sister-in-law Tamara.

6. Saltdough decorations. As long as you’ve got the right recipe, these can last foryears. But if you get the consistency wrong then they’ll go soft or crumbly.Experiment a bit, and when you have the perfect batch, decorate them. Coverthem with paint or glitter. You could even varnish them. Don’t forget, when youare cutting out the shapes, make a hole in the top to thread ribbon through.

7. Handmadejewellery. This is something I never really got into, but I know of people whohave made some wonderful pieces. You can buy kits, or you can buy thecomponents individually, depending on your style. These are gifts that will bedelighted in.

8. Photogifts. Again, something that can be used in a variety of shapes and forms:mugs, mouse mats, photo books, t-shirts, or simply a picture in a frame. Thiscan be a real personal touch, and keep a good memory alive for years to come.

9. Jamsand preserves. This is one of Treasure’s gift ideas. She makes jams andpreserves all year round to sell in aid of charity, and has put some differentsamples together in gift boxes to give to some of her friends.

10. Adventcalendar. This would suit a child and could be made out of anything, from carddoors concealing festive artwork, to fabric pockets for chocolate treats. I caneven picture a cross stitch advent calendar in my mind. It’s something thatcould potentially become an heirloom.

#19 Hibernating

2011-12-19T11:29:00.000Z

Being cold is one of the things I hate most of all, soalthough I like aspects of all four seasons, winter time is hardly a favourite.It is sheer determination that gets me out of bed at 0345 in the morning, andthe prospect of a few more minutes in bed with my dressing gown and a hot cupof coffee. When I am out, comfort comes before fashion. I wear layers: extrajumper, winter jacket, woolly hat, scarf, mittens. I’ve even requested a pairof ear warmers for Christmas... When I’ve finished work, I often crawl backinto bed and luxuriate in the warmth until I’ve thawed out completely.Alternatively, my dressing gown goes back on over the top of what I’m wearing.

Everyyear when winter comes, I think wistfully how nice it would be to hibernate, ifjust for a few weeks - unlikely and impractical, maybe, but pleasant. While thewarmth of the summer sun entices me out of the house, the cold drags at myenergy levels and motivation. I’m sure, as unrealistic as it sounds, a lot ofpeople would share in my fantasy about the world standing still while thepeople sleep, just for a few weeks in winter.

#18 Snow

2011-12-18T11:29:00.001Z

"Oh the weather outside is frightful

But the fire is so delightful

And since we've no place to go

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow"

When I woke up this morning, the small scattering of snow had mostly melted away, but all morning the snow clouds were gathering, and just recently the snow has started to fall again. A part of me was enchanted (I have even moved my laptop to the window so I can watch its progress while I type), but another, more practical, side to myself was displeased, not so much by the snow, but by its fiendish counterpart, ice, which paves the roads, turning them into a deathly ice rink. I did not enjoy driving on the slippery roads yesterday, and really don't fancy venturing out again tonight! So, as the words go in the song above, if you don't need to be anywhere, then bring on the snow. Unfortunately, though, like many others, I do have places to be!

At midnight I begin my first of five consecutive nightshifts at Sainsbury’s. I have few expectations as I am rather stepping into theunknown. I don’t know how tired I will be. I don’t know how well I will sleepduring the day. Consequently, I have made the decision to schedule theremainder of my advent posts, to ensure you, my dear readers, don’t miss out,in case I am too tired to post. Please know, however, that I have taken greatcare over each of these posts and put much thought into them. I hope they willbe of interest to you, and enjoyed. Please wish me luck this week!

#17 Wrapping Techniques

2011-12-17T21:19:00.001Z

I finished all my wrapping for good earlier in the week and thought tonight I would discuss techniques with you. I have to admit, I am very pedantic when it comes to wrapping presents. I like each parcel to be tightly and neatly bundled up, although I realise this isn't always possible. When choosing gifts for people, I don't tend to think about the shape or size, and how easy this is to wrap. I also have the tendency to overuse the tape. In the past, friends have commented on how difficult my presents were to get into because I had taped down every edge and every possible opening. Spud is the complete opposite. He uses a minimal amount of tape, meaning that sometimes the edges are slightly loose. I think this is to do with the fact that he is economically minded, meaning his view is, the less used, the better. On more than one occasion he hasn't even bothered wrapping some of my presents!

It is always a real pleasure to wrap presents. I normally leave mine until the last few days before Christmas, and then do them all in one go, with carols playing softly in the background. However, this year I have had to get on with it in advance, at least it's all out of the way now, and the last few days will be all the more relaxing.

On a different note, the snow arrived here this evening...

#16 The Unexpected Christmas Cake

2011-12-16T16:47:00.001Z

I wasn't planning on making a Christmas cake this year, though to be honest, I have rather missed the aroma that gradually fills the house when the mixture is put in the oven. However, I had an unexpected change of tune today when a colleague pointed out that the Taste the Difference Christmas Cake baking kits were reduced to £2.00 (with my discount that's £1.70). At that price I couldn't resist, and bought one. I whipped up the ingredients this afternoon, and now, as I sit and type this, I am enjoying my favourite scent of the year!

#15 Counting Christmas

2011-12-15T17:04:00.001Z

Days to go until Christmas... 10

Cards received... 17

Presents currently occupying the spare bed... 33

Of which are for me... 3

Of which are for Spud... 11

Of which are for family members... 8

Advent chocolates eaten... 15

Work shifts left... 7

Days left of 2011... 17

Hours until my bedtime... 4

Can you tell I have nothing to write today? It's nothing personal, the reason being that I am planning ahead for next week. As I am working nights and sleeping during the day (supposedly...) I intend to schedule all of next week's posts (just to ensure you don't miss out). I have ideas for every day, but that has left me lacking inspiration for today...

#14 Back To Work

2011-12-14T15:51:00.001Z

It isn't easy tumbling out of a warm bed and into the cold, uninviting night, all before 0430 in the morning. But it sure beats my old job.

It wasn't the most restful of nights, and I remember being awake about an hour before the alarm, and feeling grateful that I could still soak up the warmth and cosiness for a little longer. When the alarm did go off I was jerked suddenly and rudely out of unconsciousness and into the realms of reality. I was confronted by a mixture of emotions: tiredness being one, but whilst I was groaning inwardly, I was strangely cheerful. I had been away from work a while, and I was looking forward to seeing my colleagues again. And I also realised that this was just another day that separated me from other, more exciting, occasions, such as Christmas, and, not so far beyond the horizon now, my wedding day.

Shivering, I dressed quickly, folding my dressing gown around me, over my uniform. I went through the motions of a typical work day: tie back hair, clean teeth, use toilet, make coffee, eat cornflakes, read Bible, pray. One glance through the downstairs window was all it took to confirm that I had an extra five minutes as the car was thankfully free from frost.

At 0425 I picked up my bag, exchanged my dressing gown for my winter jacket, complete with scarf and gloves, and hit the road. I was the sole driver this morning, at least for most of the journey, although I passed a juggernaut midway there and was tailed almost until the journey's end, as though the driver inadvertently wished to prove they could keep up with me. Or maybe it was because I always stick to the speed limit. Even at that time in the morning.

I pulled into the car park, and made my way in, greeting one or two colleagues on my way. I parted with my jacket, scarf and gloves at the lockers, forced to make do with my work fleece. It wasn't long before I was in work mode again, focused on the task, but alert enough to greet the people I met on my way around the store. I was calm and collected, comfortable in my work environment, and I couldn't help thinking to myself, I am here indefinitely for the moment. I see no door, nor am I looking for one. I smiled at this, and continued, feeling safe and fully at ease.

#13 Left To Do

2011-12-13T14:46:00.001Z

Write cards:

~~Family and Friends~~

Work

Church

~~Boy's Brigade~~

~~Send long distance cards~~

~~Christmas shopping~~ (Completed yesterday)

~~Decorate house/tree~~ (don't have any decorations of my own, but helped decorate Spud's house/tree)

~~Christmas cooking~~ (N/A - I wasn't ambitious enough this year)

~~Wrap presents~~ (more or less)

~~Print photos for photo gifts~~ (in progress)

~~Send parcels~~ (As of today)

~~Stick up cards~~

Attend functions:

~~Boy's Brigade carol service~~ (Last Wednesday)

Ladies carol service

Men's Club Christmas social with the ladies

Carol singing in the village

Not doing too badly, although it's not a record by any means. I expect the list next year will be considerably longer as Spud and I hope to host a Christmas of our own!

#12 The Last Laugh

2011-12-12T17:07:00.001Z

Well, Spud and I have learned a valuable lesson: when you nearly buy a house and get gazumped at the last minute, go and buy another that's double the size, better by far, and not that much more expensive. That way, when the estate agent rings to tell you that the sale of the last house fell through and asks if you're still interested, you can have the last laugh...

#11 With A Pocketful Of Stars

2011-12-11T21:39:00.001Z

I left behind the warm glow of the restaurant, the laughter and the taste of Spanish food, and with a pocketful of stars, swept carefully from the table and into my waiting hand. I walked the streets, alone yet unafraid, praying silently under my breath, though knowing I was safe because God had already answered my prayer and made me invisible.

#10 Silent Night

2011-12-10T11:36:00.001Z

I've shared this once before but it's so good I think it deserves a revisit!

#9 Rejection

2011-12-09T19:04:00.001Z

I spent the first half of today waiting by the phone to receive the outcome of my interview on Wednesday. I was told that I would hear "Friday morning" but it was nearly midday when the awaited call arrived - that's one of the disadvantages of having a surname that comes near the end of the alphabet! Although I wasn't expecting to get the job, I took the rejection a lot harder than I normally do, and I think this was because I spent the whole morning feeling on edge as I waited in anticipation. It was hardly the perfect job for me, as I was having to compromise on location and hours. I didn't get even upset over my last failed interview, which was for the perfect job. But maybe this time it was just one blow too many. This year I've applied for countless jobs, attended twelve interviews, and only been successful once, and that was after attending an interview that wasn't even a proper interview.

But I didn't stay down for too long, because that isn't my style. I have always been an optimist, and unlike last year, I am at least in a job where I am happy, even though I wish I could have the opportunity to do something more skilled. I just have to keep reminding myself that it isn't me, it's the time that we live in, and it seems that I am of the lost generation. One day someone will see something in me and give me the chance I so desperately want. In the mean time I just have to trust in God's plan for me.

#8 Festive Anthems

2011-12-08T20:59:00.001Z

I was a teenager before I was really aware of the popular Christmas songs such as Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" and, everyone's favourite, "Fairy Tale in New York". I grew up listening to John Rutter and Amy Grant Christmas albums, or compilations of modern and traditional Christmas worship songs. Perhaps this is why these artists and tunes resonate deep within me every time Christmas comes around, and mean more to me than the ones we hear again and again on the radio.

I currently own just one Christmas album, one by Sixpence None the Richer, which I love so much I could play it over and over again, but I also have a lot of the tunes I grew up listening to on my laptop. They bring back a whole lot of memories. Christmas wouldn't be the same without them!

What Christmas songs mean the most to you?

#7 Nativities

2011-12-07T22:30:00.001Z

This evening, Little One took part in his first school nativity, starring as a cow. Unfortunately, Spud and I couldn't be there as we were going to the Boy's Brigade carol service, but we hear from his parents that his debut went well. I think a child's first nativity or school play is very special, both for the child and for the parents. This is one of many things Spud and I hope to experience a few years down the line.

I can still remember the school plays I participated with as a young child. Obviously, back then, my teachers saw a budding actress in me, as I got to play Mary twice. The first time was when I was four and just about to leave playgroup to start primary school in January. I was given a doll at the end of the performance (probably because I was leaving) and to this day she is known as Mary, as a memento of that day.

The following year my class starred as the various farmyard animals that attended the birth of our saviour. I chose to be a sheep, and I remember making a mask. The year after that, I was chosen to be Mary again, and this time I was given four lines to learn. My parents have a few photographs, and I wish I could share them with you.

Over the years that followed I played an elf, a sheep, a soldier, a rabbit and Martha Cratchit. Towards the end of my time at primary school, I became very shy and self-conscious, and as someone who hated drawing attention to myself, the school play was hardly my highlight of the year. But my memories of that time are good ones, and I can still remember some of the songs we learned eleven, twelve, thirteen years ago...

#6 Meeting People

2011-12-06T16:54:00.001Z

Each year, people come and people go, and a handful remain a part of our lives, whether as a best friend, a colleague, or a mere Facebook acquaintance. Recently, I've taken to reflecting on the people I've shared a few moments with this year. Some exchanges have been brief, like the colleague I worked with for the first time on my last day in my last job, and yet we chatted easily all day. Some acquaintances have been infrequent, but a little more lasting, like the older couple who we've recently got chatting with at church, although they don't come to our service every week. There's Swift, who I befriended at the end of last year, but have got to know a lot better in recent months. She is my first real friend since moving here. And then there's the whole crowd of colleague's I've been getting to know since starting my job at Sainsbury's. They have all been very kind and welcoming, and I have enjoyed getting to know them all. Their answering smiles as we pass down the aisles have meant a lot to me. I feel like I have finally found my place here.

I haven't met anyone this year who I'm certain will be a friend for life, but for the moment I walk side by side with many people, caught in the moment and making the most of it. I feel my purpose in life is to love everyone I meet. As someone who treasures the friends I make along the way, it's the people I meet in life that mean the most to me. I have a long memory, and if you have ever been a part of my life at some point in time, then you most probably haven't been forgotten.

#5 All I Want For Christmas...

2011-12-05T07:50:00.001Z

I finally realised what I want for Christmas, as I can't remember the last time I woke up later than about 6am! Here it is, to the tune of "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth"...

All I want for Christmas is a good night's sleep

A good night's sleep

Just a good night's sleep

Gee if I could only have a good night's sleep

Then I would wake up feeling rested

It seems so long since I slept in

Later than the early morning sunrise

Gosh, oh gee, how happy I'd be

If I could wake up later!

All I want for Christmas is a good night's sleep

A good night's sleep

Just a good night's sleep

Gee if I could only have a good night's sleep

Then I would wake up feeling rested

#4 Christmas Wishes

2011-12-04T10:29:00.001Z

Spud will tell you that I am a most difficult person to buy a present for. I am not a materialist at all. In fact, I am the complete opposite. In my opinion, I have all that I could possibly want or need, and I am constantly clearing out my possessions whenever I feel I have too much. That is not to say that I don't like receiving presents, or don't like the gifts people choose for me. I am always very touched by the thought people put into my gifts and take great delight in discovering what they have chosen for me. I also take great care of the gifts I receive.

I have a short Amazon wishlist, consisting mostly of DVDs and CDs, but naturally, as my fiancé, Spud wants to put a little more thought and effort into my gifts, and over the years he has bought me some wonderful and surprising gifts, like an expensive fountain pen, which I use for writing in my diary, or my state of the art camera. Here is a typical conversation between us, which recurs throughout Autumn:

Spud: What do you want for Christmas

Me: I don't know

Spud: You must want something

Me: No. Don't get me anything

Spud: I can't do that. You would be very disappointed

Me: No I wouldn't

Spud: *looks despairingly at me*

Me: Okay, I know what I want. I want a house

Spud: That doesn't count

Me: *changing the subject* What do you want for Christmas, then?

Spud: *switching on his computer and going onto the Modelzone website* Well, I really like this... and this... and that one's on offer at the moment...

Last year, my Christmas wish was for a new job, and four months later, I got one. It wasn't the dream job, but it got me out of my miserable circumstances and into an environment where I am currently thriving. This year, I'm so happy that I honestly can't think of anything besides a house that I want, and even that is undergo at the moment. My Christmas wish is for others to be happy and have their Christmas wishes come true...

On a different note, and for the record, my lovely in-laws presented me with an advent calendar yesterday, so now I can countdown advent the old-school way! Of course, I will still be posting everyday for your pleasure!

#3 Loving this!

2011-12-03T11:36:00.001Z

#2 Acrostic Advent

2011-12-02T17:32:00.001Z

Anticipation. As a time of preparation, excitement and anticipation hang in the air. But we must also remember that Christmas falls a week before the new year. When we get a moment to spare during all the festive mayhem, we may stop and reflect on the year gone by, and consider our hopes for the coming year.

Decorations. With the days becoming shorter, and the nights more drawn out, these serve to brighten the atmosphere. We do, however, tend to go overboard, and are normally glad to take them down when Christmas is over.

Valued Traditions. We each celebrate Christmas in our own way, using our own varying set of traditions that mean the world to us. Some of these have been passed down through the family for several generations, and others will have been inspired and introduced by others. Without these, Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas!

Everywhere! It is literally impossible to escape from Christmas. Wherever you go, you will be confronted by decorations and merchandise (often on display from mid August), the Christmas carols blaring through the tannoy and on the radio... If you truly want to get away from the festivities, then your only hope is to barricade yourself in your home for the next month, having thoroughly eradicated the tinsel and mince pies beforehand.

Nativity. Despite the commercialisation of Christmas, Christianity still lies at the core, even if it has been obscured by wreaths, and cards pronouncing "Happy Holidays". Many schools enact the Christmas story, and there's something deeply endearing about the miniature angels and tea-towel bedecked shepherds.

Togetherness. There is a strange sense of unity towards the end of the year, when people pause for a moment and take stock. The festivities serve to lighten our spirits and encourage goodwill towards one another, and I think for the most part they succeed.

#1 The First Door

2011-12-01T15:33:00.001Z

I remember, as a young child, opening the first door to a pictorial advent calendar and being very disappointed by the image behind, which was almost always something boring like a candle or a sprig of holly, or perhaps a bell. This was back in the days when time really dragged, and the 24 days ahead seemed endless to a small child like myself.

Now, as a grown up girl of almost 23, I find the reverse is true. Christmas arrives sooner with each year. The first day of December is a reminder that in just three and a half weeks time the long awaited holiday will be here, and with the blink of an eye it will be gone again. That's just three and a half weeks to write Christmas cards, finish my Christmas shopping, and wrap presents. Advent is a time of preparation and the first door marks the start of the countdown until Christmas.

I don't have an advent calendar any more, as I feel far too old (Spud has one, but that's a different story...) However, I have various routines that mark the passing of each day: writing in my diary for example, or doing my devotional readings. And, this year of course, this blog effectively serves as my advent calendar.

So here is my first door. I hope it hasn't been too much of a disappointment.

Half A Dozen Excuses

2011-11-30T17:38:00.001Z

I apologise for my distance of late. So much has been happening recently, and it's almost as though the more that has happened the less I've had to write about if that's even possible. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say the more that happened the less I felt like writing.

I'm tired because my body clock finally broke... Most of the time I'm awake at 5, sometimes earlier, sometimes a little after, which means at weekends I don't catch up on my sleep. This hasn't affected me as badly as you might think. I've adapted well to my unplanned sleep pattern, and I'm supplementing my sleep by going to bed earlier, but this has in effect made my days shorter, if you get what I mean.

I am also writing again. Setting a target for my novel has really got me working. Five pages a week seems manageable and as this is a second draft I can sometimes use old material with a few minor changes. But because I've been working so hard on my novel, I haven't much felt like writing other things, like my blog. Fellow writers may be able to identify with me here...

Finally, Spud and I, as you know, have been in the middle of buying a house, which took up most of our time and attention. While this fell through over a week ago, looking for a house has still occupied centre stage in our lives.

It also doesn't help that my internet connection is fairly poor at the moment, I have plenty of Christmas shopping to do, and I have another interview coming up!

So, I've thrown half a dozen excuses at you, and you may well ask, what am I going to do about it? Well, I'll tell you what, I'm going to blog every day in Advent. And if I get the time and inspiration, I may even produce another video log.

November, When

2011-11-22T15:31:00.001Z

November, when the days are grey, but looking out of my window all I see is orange, as the horse chestnut tree is ablaze with autumn leaves.

November, when it's not quite acceptable to play Christmas tunes on the radio, but it's perfectly alright to play Christmas compilations at home.

November, when anticipation hangs heavy in the air, along with the rawness that indicates winter is on its way.

November, when we almost bought a house, only to watch it fall through, like a single dried up leaf, because someone else offered more than we could afford.

November, when the year is almost at an end, and we begin to take stock.

November, often overlooked, but pleasant in its own way, bleak and beautiful...

Icthus

2011-11-16T14:53:00.001Z

Bonfire Night

2011-11-09T14:53:00.002Z

Parting With My Paperback Friends

2011-11-04T16:38:00.000Z

As you know, Spud and I are in the middle of buying our first home. I'm afraid I haven't any update on that yet. We've applied for a mortgage, engaged the services of a solicitor, and now we're just waiting for a survey to be done and for our application to go through. We have literally done all we can, and now we just have to play the waiting game.

I realised, though, that there was one thing I could do... The house is small, and I hate clutter, so, I decided to have a ruthless clear out and get rid of some of my belongings. This included several books, that previously, I couldn't imagine parting with, such as Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, and (as an English literature graduate, I'm ashamed to admit this) my Nicholas Sparks collection. I just realised that I was never going to read these books again, and was just hoarding them because the characters and story lines remained with me after I'd finished reading.

I probably told myself at the time that I was going to read them again, but now I think life is too short - there are so many other things I want to read. If I ever want to read these books again, I can always go and find them at a library. That's not to say that I've got rid of them all. I've kept many which I want to share with my children someday; ones that I couldn't part with so easily, and will almost certainly go back to and reread.

Parting with my paperback friends wasn't nearly as painful as I'd envisaged. I was able to let go of them very easily. Okay, they are still in a pile, waiting to go to their new home (the second hand bookshop) but I know I'll definitely be able to let them go when the time comes.

I never have been a materialist or a hoarder. Spud is a bit of a hoarder, but I've told him he can keep his junk (anything I deem unnecessary clutter) in the garden shed!

On Camera

2011-11-03T13:42:00.000Z

This was filmed on Sunday. Sorry about the bad quality. My voice sounds terrible on camera *cringes*

Weekend In Pictures

2011-11-02T13:42:00.002Z

Like That Other Autumn

2011-11-01T16:56:00.001Z

Imagine this: In October 2006, after two months of correspondence, a young man and woman felt they had something special together, and agreed it would be good to meet and find out. However, due to circumstances and the nature of their meeting, they had to endure an agonising ten month wait before they could be together the following August.

Five years on, and Spud and I are going through the exact same thing! We're into the last nine months of a very, very long wait, so it probably doesn't surprise you that I'm experiencing a lot of nostalgia and deja-vu this autumn as I think about that first wait, the first of many.

That first wait really dragged. It felt like a lifetime had passed when August came round and we stood face to face for the first time. This last wait drags only sometimes. On other days, I look ahead and see the date (our wedding day) steaming towards us like an express train, powered by the busyness of life.

And now that I think about it, there's only a few weeks left until Christmas, when we send out the invitations, after which there'll be so much to do, and barely the time to count off the days. Will I notice the warm breath of spring on my neck as I ransack the shops for lilac bridesmaid dresses? Will I feel the sweat of summer trickle down my back as I stand in a bridal shop for my dress fitting?

I no longer suffer from my nightmares about not being ready on my wedding day. I am calm through and through. I just remember the wait we endured that other autumn. I know our big day will come around soon enough, and when it does, we'll both be ready for it.

To Spook, Or Not To Spook

2011-10-31T06:07:00.001Z

My Reasons For Not Celebrating Halloween

For most, Halloween is simply a night of having fun and partying in costume (and for many my own age, involves lots of drinking) but it's just something I've never done. I was brought up in a Christian family, and was sheltered from the Halloween traditions and festivities. I never felt deprived, as I never had a strong desire to participate. All my life I have grown up loving God, and I feel as a Christian I shouldn't be celebrating a holiday that contradicts my faith.

Yes, for most, Halloween is simply dressing up and having harmless fun, but it's the themes that trouble me. It centres on scaring people, demanding treats and playing tricks, dressing up as devils, ghosts and ghouls...

I'm not condemning Halloween. I'm just giving my own reasons for not having anything to do with it. In the future, I certainly won't be taking my children trick or treating. Instead, they will have to put up with going to light parties until they are old enough to decide for themselves.

This year, my church aren't hosting a light party, but instead they order 'bags of hope', a free resource from UCB, for members of the congregation to take away. These are simply bags containing two Christian booklets, one for a child and one for an adult, and a handful of sweets so that the kids aren't completely disappointed. I don't remember any trick or treaters calling last year, but I took one just in case, and it's now waiting in the porch for any callers I may have tonight.

Smiling On The Outside, Bleeding On The Inside

2011-10-30T19:18:00.001Z

Sometimes I get down, but it's not you that gets me down

Aztec Camera - The Birth of the True

I went through a spell, just recently, when I felt quite down. It began mid September, and I thought of it as my six month blues because I'd been in my new job six months. This was the length of time I was in my last, much detested job, and also the length of time I'd been away from it. I was beginning to acknowledge the stress I'd been going through during that period. I'd denied a lot of it, and put it away, but it was starting to resurface again and I was having to deal with it.

Alongside this, I was beginning to feel the pressure to get a better job. It's not that I want to leave my current job, but I just felt that I needed to do better. Spud didn't have a job, but he's saved all his money since the age of ten so that he could buy his future wife (aka me) a house. I felt like I was letting him down by not getting a better job, even though he assured me I wasn't. Anyway, after my perfect interview for my dream job back in August (when I was told, in Spud's words: you were excellent, but there was someone more excellent...) I was still applying for jobs, and not even getting an interview.

Finally, as I said before, Spud didn't have a job and we were beginning to talk worst case scenarios. With only me in employment, we couldn't get a mortgage, and we definitely couldn't afford rent. So, our options were starting married life at Spud's (which wasn't really an option, because there is no space for me and I would literally be living out of a suitcase!), at Spud's Nanny's house (which was a bit more of a possibility, but still meant a lack of privacy), or Treasure's house (again, a possibility, but no privacy).

As you can imagine, this issue was getting to me. I've been here eighteen months now, and I feel like I've effectively been in suspended animation - waiting around and seeing no prospect of change, and feeling trapped and helpless, unable to do anything.

Thankfully, change was just around the corner. Spud got a job, and the worst case scenarios flew out the window as we realised we would most probably be able to get a place of our own now. However, I had just spent a week visiting my family, without Spud this time, and for the first time since leaving home eighteen months ago, I suffered from quite severe home sickness when I returned.

This hung around awhile, although alleviated fully, along with the rest of my negative emotions, when Spud and I found out we could get a mortgage, and then started looking at properties. It seems that excitement is a good cure for just about everything.

Anyway, what is the purpose of me writing all this? Well, firstly, I wanted to explain why I haven't been around much lately. I know I have posted a few things, but they have mostly been photos or somewhat detached, not really my style. This was partly because of the emotional baggage I was dealing with, exhaustion, and just general busyness.

Also, when I'm feeling crappy, I don't like to open up, as I feel like I am burdening people. That's just the sort of person that I am. I like to talk about such things when I have got through a bad patch, thus making it a tale of survival. There are people in this world with far bigger issues than I have to deal with, and my own complaints don't really compare. I am a very blessed person. I think it's important, though, for you to know about that side of me, and that sometimes I am quietly bleeding, even though I am trying to be brave and keep a smile on my face.

I guess, really, this my attempt to put my feelings into words and to make some sense of them myself. I am fine now. I am my happy, sunshiny self again now that things are moving. Hopefully, I will post again soon. I say hopefully because the coming week is looking to be a busy one, but I intend be a proactive blogger again.

Where Georgia Was

2011-10-26T14:07:00.002+01:00

Oh, And Did I Mention..?

2011-10-25T14:18:00.000+01:00

...Contacting solicitors... Applying for a mortgage... Gathering together documents needed for this... Meeting with our mortgage advisor at very short notice... Applying for jobs... Overtime, including a 3am shift... Painting the church hall... Painting a mobile classroom (in Spud's case)... Attending Ofsted (Spud again)... Reading through contracts... Paying for a survey to be done... Praying the house doesn't fall through... Dreaming about possibly having a house of our own by Christmas!

We've Been Busy!

2011-10-23T18:56:00.000+01:00

...Working our socks off... Researching second hand cars... Buying a second hand car for Spud to use... Babysitting Little One... Going to Little One's first assembly... Saving every penny... Going country dancing... Wedding planning... Sampling wedding cakes... Watching repeats of Don't Tell the Bride... Speaking to a mortgage consultant... Viewing properties... Putting an offer on a property... Waiting to find out if that offer has been accepted... Just waiting in general... Enjoying some peace and quiet... Going to church... Picking up overtime (at least, in my case)... Keeping parents updated... Planning... Dreaming... Praying... Sleeping... Feeling happy and excited... Finally feeling like things are starting to happen!

Let's Live Where Penguins Line The Streets

2011-10-14T18:59:00.002+01:00

Sliding Doors

2011-09-30T19:08:00.000+01:00

Do you ever wonder how a single minute, or a single decision could change your life? I've just been enjoying a leisurely afternoon in front of a girly film, "Sliding Doors" (well, it would have been leisurely, except my laptop didn't like my choice of movie and kept stopping it repeatedly so that the audio jarred and was out of sync with the picture until I fiddled with it and set it right again). Anyway, it made me think about the consequences behind each decision, and what might have happened at key moments in my life had a made a different choice.

Like that day, more than five years ago, I got a message from a random guy on MySpace, asking if I wanted to chat. What might have happened had I deleted that email? Well, any number of things really. Let's see...

1. I don't have any lessons on Wednesday, so I go into a local primary school and do some work experience. This is because I want to study B Ed primary at university next year, and I think a little experience could go a long way...

Instead, I spent my Wednesdays chatting to the random guy and falling in love with him. And I didn't get on to the B Ed primary course...

2. So, I got onto the B Ed primary course! It's very intense, but I'm coping with the workload. Anyway, I quit my Saturday job at the shoe shop and moved into university accommodation. I study very hard, but sometimes I go out and socialise. I'm still single, but hopefully I'll meet someone in the next three years...

Instead, I was offered the chance to do English Literature, which, although intense at times, consisted of a mere 9 hours of lectures a week. Although I moved into university accommodation, I went home at weekends so I could continue my Saturday job. I therefore missed out on most of the nights out, and didn't really bond with my house mates. I was also, by this point, in a relationship with the random guy from MySpace and completely smitten with him.

3. So, my first year of teacher training is complete, and I passed! I also have befriended some girls on my course, and we are moving into a house together - so exciting! I know the city like the back of my hand, although I haven't yet decided whether I want to live hear permanently, or move back home when my studies are complete. I feel more confident now, especially about standing up in front of a class as I have gained lots of experience of this from my placements. I am still single. I don't actually have time for a boyfriend at the moment, but no one has shown any interest in me anyway. I know I'm not pretty, but maybe someone will see the real me someday...

Instead, after my first year, I opted to commute. All of my flatmates from halls had made their own plans (which excluded me) but I had already decided that commuting made more sense, as I only had lectures 2 - 3 days a week, and it was only a 45 mile journey. This, along with the journeys up North to see the random guy from MySpace, increased my confidence when travelling alone (although I was still petrified about standing up in front of people and giving presentations!) The random guy from MySpace had also raised my confidence generally, and my self-esteem. He also proposed to me midway through my second year. I was beginning to feel like a completely new person...

4. So, I passed and I've graduated. I'm in the process of applying for jobs, both in the city and back at home. I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I don't have a boyfriend. I haven't lost faith, but I was sure university would be the place I'd meet someone. I just haven't met the right person yet, but he must be in the world somewhere...

So, I passed and graduated. I moved up North and settled. I endured a crappy job for a while, I moved into what some people would consider an equally crappy job, but I quite like it. Anyway, that doesn't matter, because best of all, I get to see the random guy from MySpace everyday, and next year we're getting married! Ever since moving 300 miles from home, my confidence has increased, and I've done a lot of things I didn't think myself capable of. The independence is doing me a lot of good, and even though the job situation is lousy, I am mostly happy.

I hope you enjoyed this little spin off of my life. There are other moments in the past that could have changed the course of my whole life. There are the small things: I could have gone to a university further away from home and studied something completely different, I could have said yes the first time I was ever asked out (and then I would've never met Spud). Would life have been any different if I hadn't become a Christian? Absolutely! My faith influences my decisions on a daily basis. Sometimes I make the wrong decision, but I know it's not the end of the world as I can accept forgiveness and start over again, minus the guilt.

Life is an adventure. Live it to the full, and look on any regrets you have as experience.

Slowly Getting There

2011-09-26T11:40:00.001+01:00

It has been a weekend of partings. On Saturday, my brother left home to go to university. I can't help but remember how far he has come, as just three years ago his life hung in the balance. I watched him deteriorate over the weeks: he lost weight, and the ruddiness faded from his cheeks; he could barely walk because of the mystery pain in his back and leg. We went out for a meal to celebrate his 17th birthday. He should have been talking animatedly about the prospect of driving lessons, but instead he was struggling to hold back the tears. I was frightened as I've never before seen someone close looking so fragile and poorly, and I felt helpless. But he was the lucky one: they discovered the DVT in his leg before it was too late, and acted fast. Had it gone undetected for much longer then it could have gone to his heart or brain and we would have lost him. It was a horrible year for him, as they made the diagnosis of Crohn's disease and began the long treatment process until they had stabilised the condition.

A year later, he started his A-levels again, and this year he celebrated a pleasing string of results, that wasn't enough to get him to my city, but enabled him to take up an offer at his second university choice. He is healthy now, and can lead a fairly active lifestyle. I'm sure he will enjoy the student life, and hopefully he will apply himself well to his studies. It's scary to think that had his GP not acted as he did, Matt might not be here, and I'm not even exaggerating.

My other brother, Dave, has left school and begun his first year of A-levels at sixth-form college. He is studying maths, physics and philosophy, which is brave! I would find those subjects very daunting, but it shows where he differs academically to Matt and I, who both studied subjects that fall into the English, Humanities and Art categories. I think my parents are both beginning to realise that in two years they may have an empty nest on their hands, with the three of us setting off into the world, and their feelings about this are very mixed.

The day after Matt's departure, having spent a few days with my family, I returned home and was reunited with Spud, who remained behind in order to attend three interviews. This proved to be worthwhile, as he was offered a job: the job of the three that he wanted, and will benefit him the most. He has been looking for a job for sixteen months, so you can imagine our relief! There are still worries ahead and no doubt further challenges, but we have had so many prayers answered, and we are all slowly getting there.

Always A Writer

2011-09-22T10:09:00.002+01:00

Since my return home, I have been greatly amused by the discovery of my old school books. I particularly enjoyed reading through some of my school "diary" entries, and my English books, which hold some of my earliest stories, one of which I will share with you shortly. I was appalled by my ramblings and atrocious spelling, but actually, some of the storylines were quite impressive! Below is one of my diary entries, written when I was 8 years old.

It was about the discovery of a bull in one of the back fields, but as the caption reads: "Luckerly there was fence".

And now, for a story, written in its original form, complete with poor spelling and grammar. Enjoy!

Long long ago in a far away land there was a beautiful cat.
The cat was always saying to herself "Im the most beautiful creature in the world."
Then one day a hansom peacock came.
He was prettier than the cat.
"Drat" said the cat. "Im supposed to be the prettyiest. Not a peacock."
The cat found out the peacock was called Percy.
The cat thought of an awfull plan which was to eat it.
The cat saw Percy and she ran up to him and pounced.
She missed

Then the cat remerbered the animal rule.
If you attack an animal you get bad punishment.
The cat went back to her house and ate tinned cat food.
She saw Percy leaving.
Her owner told her Percy only came for a holiday.
The cat smiled.
The cats owner was a princess who lived in a palace.
Then one night there was an animal meeting.
The animals were exited.
The wise old deer said "my daughter will now become queen of the deer and that cat will now become queen of the cats."

So the cat became queen of the cats.
The cat was so sorry Percy left. She asked him to come and stay.
The cat and Percy were best friends now.
They lived happily ever after.
The end.

I hope this amused you as much as it amused me! And hopefully my writing has come on a bit since then...

Dress Bought

2011-09-21T17:36:00.000+01:00

Well, after a very girly afternoon with my mother, I have ordered my wedding dress and seen the new adaptation of Jane Eyre (which I loved!). In the end, I opted for the dress that has been on my mind for the last six weeks, the second one I ever tried on, and trying it on again confirmed to me that it was definitely the one. It may have been considerably more than I planned on paying, but at the same time it wasn't the most expensive one we looked at by far. As a girl with very simple tastes, I felt I deserved this little indulgence. And I felt like a princess when I wore it! I wish I could show you some photographs, but as we weren't able to take any, I'm afraid you'll have to wait the 10 and a half months (10 and a half months - eeee!) until the big day!

If Our Love Were But More Simple

2011-09-18T18:03:00.000+01:00

This morning, at church, we sang a hymn called "There's a Wideness in God's Mercy", and as I listened carefully to the words, I was really struck by the following:

"If our love were but more simple,

We should take Him at His word;

And our lives would all be sunshine

In the sweetness of our Lord."

What I learned at church today was that very often we forget to perceive God outside the parameters of our existence. Consequently, we often get a false impression of Him:

"...We make His love too narrow

By false limits of our own;

And we magnify His strictness

With a zeal He will not own."

But actually, we cannot measure the goodness of His love. We overcomplicate it, just as we overcomplicate everything. So here is my perception:

God loves every one of us.

God hates sin.

When we sin, God hates what we're doing, but loves us all the same.

When we turn from sin and ask for forgiveness, He loves us like the sin never happened.

This isn't meant to be a "preachy" post, but I got a lot from this morning's session, and was desperate to share what I took from it.

Sitting On The Fence

2011-09-15T19:59:00.000+01:00

I've given up on worrying about the future. I've learned time and time again that most problems that appear on the horizon, tend to resolve themselves when they are upon us. It's like seeing a huge wave in the distance, that laps gently at your feet by the time it reaches the shore. It's as though experience and answered prayer has helped me to break through that ageless habit of worrying.

That's not to say I don't worry. Sometimes I am so desperate for full time work, and I wonder if Spud and I will ever be able to get a mortgage. But most of the time I am calm. I have prayed about these difficult situations over and over again, and I just feel like God is saying to me:

Don't worry, I've got it all under control. Just sit back, and in the meantime, use all this spare time productively...

Which is what I've been doing. I've been getting more and more involved at church, from attending courses in worship leading and pastoral care, to volunteering to paint the hall during half term. And I've been working on my writing whenever I can, and doing the things I never normally have time for, like trying out new recipes.

I am sitting on the fence, and this isn't natural for me. I am, inwardly at least, a very impatient person. Do you know the willpower it has taken to wait three and a half years to marry and settle down with Spud? I am a person who's always raring to go, eager to take on more responsibility when and if I am able, and desperate to get my life under way! But at the moment, I am sitting on the fence, and I am fairly calm about it all. Life is an adventure, and I am looking forward to all that's ahead...

Six Months On

2011-09-14T15:14:00.000+01:00

Six months has past since that life-changing phone call, when I was offered a way out of a job I hated, a job that was affecting my health and undermining my well-being. At the end of March I received my uniform and attended my two days of training, with the lovely training manager, who still knows my name, even hundreds of training sessions later. She was strict, but very open and approachable, and I learned a lot about her during those two days. She was positively beaming, as she and her husband had just been cleared for adoption, after the long and nail-biting process, and they were so excited about becoming parents at last. I know she left on adoption leave a couple of months ago, and today at work I saw a sight that warmed my heart. She was in the store in everyday wear (strange not to see her in her uniform), and in her trolley sat a little fair haired toddler, her daughter. I gave them both my biggest smile, as I was so delighted to see my trainer looking so happy and natural in her new role as a parent. My heart was cheering for them both.

Six months on, she is a mother. Six months on, I am a well-known, valued and established colleague. At the end of the month, my staff discount card (which I received last week) will be validated and I will receive a pay rise, my probationary period being over. I have been in this job for nearly as long as I was in my last, despised job. How quickly the time has passed, and so much has happened. But I am happy, so happy, my friends.

Autumn Soup

2011-09-13T14:53:00.001+01:00

Back in spring, I wanted to try out a recipe for Parsnip and Apple Soup, but decided it best to postpone this culinary experiment for six months until cooking apples were plentiful, and people couldn't get rid of them quick enough! For the last few days, several cooking apples have adorned Treasure's counter, like seasonal decorations, and so I seized the opportunity to rid her of one. I couldn't resist sharing the recipe with you, which comes from The Observer Guide to British Cookery by Jane Grigson. It's very simple, and smells and tastes of autumn, hence my renaming of the dish.

You will need:

750g parsnips, peeled and diced

1 cooking apple

60g butter

150ml cream

5 sage leaves

1 good litre (2pt) chicken or ham stock

salt, pepper, chopped parsley

1. Sweat the apple and parsnip in the butter, in a covered saucepan over low heat. After five minutes, stir, and then cover again for another five minutes.

2. Add the stock and sage leaves, and leave to simmer for half an hour (I actually left mine for nearly an hour, and stirred occasionally).

3. Remove the sage leaves. The recipe now advises to sieve or process the mixture, but I chopped the parsnip and apple quite finely, and as I like chunky soup I left the pieces in.

4. Add more stock or water, if required, and reheat with the cream.

5. If you wish, you can serve with a sprinkling of chopped parsley across the top, and croutons. Enjoy!

Tomorrow I'm going to make blueberry muffins! And, if you're wondering why I have so much time for cooking at the moment, I will share with you my piece of good news. After sixteen months of searching, Spud has been offered some paid work - supply in a nursery that previously interviewed him, and today he works his first shift!

They Grow Up So Fast!

2011-09-12T20:04:00.001+01:00

Today was Little One's first day at school.

As I'm sure you can imagine, I was a very proud soon-to-be-big-sister-in-law!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-07T15:50:00.000+01:00

Comforting

2011-09-04T21:00:00.003+01:00

Often, I will unconsciously curl my fingers inwards, and tap them individually against a surface (i.e. my leg, a table, etc.) Just recently, I realised where this random habit has stemmed from - most probably from growing up with a piano at home and near to hand, and which I played from a young age. It's almost like my fingers are so used to being in that position that they play silent tunes of their own accord. What I also realised was that this is something I will start up at any point in the day - it doesn't seem to matter if I'm feeling flustered, self-conscious, stressed or completely at ease. But on the whole, I think it's a comfort thing. When at home I find myself turning to the piano when I'm feeling unsettled, restless or down. It's almost like a therapy - I hammer out the negativity while running my fingers over the keys, and turn it into beautiful music (well, I can't say my playing is beautiful, but they make moderate entertainment...) I guess it's the same when I'm nowhere near a piano, and my fingers start to play nevertheless.

I'm very tired, and hope I am still making sense in this analysis of my own personal body language. I'm not even very sure why I am writing about this (for want of a subject maybe?), but hope it makes interesting reading. What strange habits do you have?

Life's Mysteries, Solved

2011-08-31T15:58:00.000+01:00

All my life there are things, experiences, that I've wondered about, but recently I realised that a lot of these mysteries have been solved over the last few years...

I used to wonder what it would be like to leave home, a prospect that I dreaded until I reached my late teens and began to find home a little suffocating... I found my answer last year when I finally flew the nest and settled into my "halfway house", Treasure's home. I found that the independence was exactly what I needed to bring me out of my shell, and satisfy my yearnings for change and freedom.

I used to wonder what it would be like to drive a car... I passed my test second time round when I was seventeen, but for a few years I was such a nervous driver that I felt sick every time I had to take the car out, and I began to wonder if I would ever feel comfortable behind the wheel. Thankfully, I was forced to overcome these feelings when I left home and driving became an important aspect of my daily routine. Over time, following several excursions without incident, I started to relax and driving has became quite an enjoyable past-time.

For a while I wondered what it would be like to go clubbing, but only tentatively... After turning eighteen, I discovered that it was seriously overrated, and absolutely terrifying. I found that the music was too loud, the drinks were too expensive, and I had absolutely no idea what to do with my arms when I danced. But worse, still, I've found that most clubs teem with single men on the hunt for some action, who seemed to think women were looking for the same thing. I witnessed one, very drunk, creep leap in front of my best friend and start snogging her! After sampling the clubbing scene on a few occasions, I realised that sitting in a pub and talking long into the night with a good group of friends is a lot more enjoyable and worthwhile.

I used to wonder what it would be like to be romanced and pursued by a boy... I found out when I was seventeen on two separate occasions. The first of these isn't worth reporting (I set things in motion, and nothing actually came of it), but the second was, for want of a word, epic. It was the most exciting, thrilling year of my life, despite the frustration of being 300 miles away from my pursuer and having to wait ten months to hold his hand! That boy made me feel so beautiful, so cherished, so special - he still does! :-)

That led me to wonder what my first kiss would be like... It was beautifully orchestrated: okay, the kiss wasn't, but the setting was. I was eighteen. That boy, and I, lay on a cliff top looking up at the stars (well, we would've been except we couldn't stop staring at each other's faces) and listening to the waves. It was just approaching midnight. I don't know who made the first move; the next thing I knew, his face moved closer and our lips met halfway. It wasn't at all elegant, but it was nice.

After that, I wondered what it would be like when that boy proposed to me, especially as he proposed to me in an offhand way several times before the official proposal... The answer: Overwhelming. Wonderful. Personal. Beautiful. Perfect.

For a long time I've wondered what it would be like to wear a wedding dress... I found my answer whilst shopping with my mum the other week: like a princess.

There are still mysteries waiting to be solved:

What will it be like to have a house of my own? (Because, as much as I love Treasure, I'm beginning to find the arrangement a little suffocating...)

What would it be like to publish one of my novels?

What will it be like to bring a child into the world (to carry it for nine months, to push it out of my body, to raise someone who is part me)?

A lot of you will already know the answers to these "mysteries", and from experience you'll know they're different for everyone. These are my mysteries, both solved and unsolved. What are yours?

I Was A Supermarket Snob

2011-08-28T19:49:00.001+01:00

I have a confession to make... When I completed my degree and discovered I'd got the best result I could have hoped for, I thought the possibilities were endless and that I could reach for the stars. I was soon brought back down to earth when I realised how bad the job situation, but even then I told myself I was way above working at a supermarket. I don't really think of myself as big-headed. In fact, I have quite a low opinion of myself and sometimes feel unworthy whenever anyone's nice to me. But back then I had standards. And I didn't think that with a first-class behind my back I should have to stack shelves, or sit at a checkout, or put up with being spoken to like I was stupid. Despite this, I did apply to a couple of supermarket positions (both at Tesco) but was turned out, most probably because I had included my degree in my application form, and they knew I'd change jobs as soon as something better came up. I am deeply ashamed for ever entertaining this view.

As you know, everything changed for me, and six months ago, out of sheer desperation, I applied for a part-time job at Sainsbury's. I think I realised that care work wasn't any more skilled than retail, and that actually the latter was a lot less stressful. I turned a corner and I have to say, I couldn't have been happier. I have met so many wonderful, lovely people at Sainsbury's. My colleagues recognise and appreciate me for who I am. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. And I don't think I over-exaggerate when I say they are as fond of me as I am of them. Take my first day back at work for example.

I'd been away for just over a fortnight, but felt as though I'd been away longer than that. As a result, I anticipated walking in and finding everything was different, that everyone and everything had changed, and consequently, I felt a little nervous. So I left my car and shuffled into the store, and the first people I met were from the hygiene team. While I don't work with them directly, I often see them around when I'm at work, and as is my custom I smile and say a bright hello. The moment they spotted me that day, they greeted me and asked all about my holiday. What they said next touched my heart so much that I nearly started crying. In fact, I can feel tears creeping into my eyes as I write this. They said, "We noticed you weren't here, and we missed you!" "I missed you too!" I said, feeling extremely moved.

And I received the like all morning from every colleague I met. They all asked about my holiday. They showed an interest. They all said they'd missed me and it had felt as though I'd been away for ages. They all said it was good to see me again. And I walked around with the biggest smile on my face, happy to be back. Happy to feel wanted and needed. Thrilled and deeply humbled to feel so loved. As with church, I have found a family of sorts at work too.

I am very ashamed for having ever thought myself above working at a place like Sainsbury's. I was absolutely wrong. I might be capable of doing something more challenging, but I am not above doing anything. I am not above scrambling around in a chiller for half an hour, seeking out the right product for a customer. I am not above cleaning a toilet. I am so glad to have had this opportunity to have my view changed for the better, and to experience the wonderful love and team spirit that exists at Sainbury's. I have met some of the loveliest people here, and I love each and every one of them. And incredibly, I seem to have touched their hearts too, and contributed something myself to Sainbury's. I have worked here for nearly five months, nearly as long as I endured my last job, and I can honestly say, these have been the happiest five months!

Love You More

2011-08-24T11:13:00.000+01:00

Love You More is Jennifer Grant's memoir about her adoption of her youngest daughter, Mia. Grant's writing style is compelling, drawing the reader in right from the start, and moving naturally from phase to phase in the narrative. Drawing from her Christian background and strong faith, she shares her realisation of God's calling for her.

This is a deeply personal account, an open and honest retelling of how a mother and daughter bond was established, and how this overcame the odds set against them during the adoption process and beyond. It is also very informative, and serves to challenge the many negative views towards overseas adoption, and the relationship between the adoptive parent and child.

This is a heart rending read; one that will have you on the edge of your seat, at times laughing and at others moved even to the verge of tears. This is definitely a book for parents, or anyone interested in the adoption process, particularly overseas adoption.

What was particularly moving was the sheer love conveyed throughout the narrative. This is a memoir written by a mother who loves her daughter so much that she wants to share her incredible story with the world!

A Birthday of Sorts

2011-08-23T11:23:00.000+01:00

Two years ago today I set up The Passing Place, and my little blog is still going strong. I must confess though, I did hit a point quite recently where I felt like giving it up. It was nothing personal, but more to do with the discovery of limitations in my new job that meant I was constantly tired, and lacking both the time and energy to blog, as well as anything really to blog about. I was barely finding the time to get things done, and consequently I had to bring my poor blog to the bottom of my list of priorities, and it became slightly neglected. Rather than posting obsessively, like I used to, I found I was only able to write once every couple of weeks, and even then my posts felt feeble and rather forced.

Thankfully, after a fortnight's respite, my blog has picked up once more. I have now replaced my broken USB card reader which means I can upload photographs again, and I think the coming year will bring a lot more things for me to post about, including (hopefully):

* Spud and I finding suitable jobs

* Spud and I buying a place of our own

* Wedding preparations

* Coverage of the wedding

* The honeymoon

These are one or two things for you and I to look forward to. I can't tell you how indebted I feel to every single one of my readers. It's so nice knowing that there are people out there (people I've never met but are nevertheless very dear friends to me) not only taking an interest in me and what I have to say, but also rooting for me and praying for me. It is very humbling and I want you to know that you are all very special to me. What can I say except, thank you for being here and sticking with me through and through? That means so much, and maybe there will come a day when I can meet you all in person! I know I haven't been especially good at keeping up with your blogs (partly due to my limited internet connection) and this is something I hope to rectify as I do enjoy reading what you have to say too, and a lot of you have really inspired me with your words and ideas.

How will I be celebrating my blogging birthday? Well, I won't really. I'd love to host a blogging party or a give away, but again, I don't have much time (maybe that's something to plan for next year). I have just arrive back from a fortnight's holiday, and I return to work tomorrow. The next fortnight will be a busy one, full of meetings, Spud's birthday celebrations, holiday club, and a million other things to do! I admit, I'll be glad to reach the other side. I will try to keep you updated on how I get on!

Crop Circle

2011-08-21T20:09:00.001+01:00

Something Spud and I saw on the way home from visiting my parents...

Waterside Photoshoot

2011-08-20T17:12:00.002+01:00

Some sights common to my part of the world...

And a few just for fun...

Babies

2011-08-18T20:09:00.002+01:00

Here are some photographs I was meaning to upload in June, when a mother blackbird built her nest to the side of Spud's driveway. The babies have long since flown the nest, but Spud and I managed to document their development with a few photographs.

Shopping For Wedding Clothes

2011-08-17T16:40:00.002+01:00

This morning I set out, together with my mother, and browsed the bridalwear shops in my hometown. We only visited two as the others were by appointment only, but I tried on about eight different dresses, which gave me an idea of the sort of thing I'm looking for. Amazingly, the dresses I liked weren't what I expected to like at all!

"I don't want a train," I told my mum, just minutes before selecting a dress wih a train and finding that it suited me. In fact, most of the dresses I tried on looked pretty good. Both my mother and the shop assistant agreed that I have the sort of figure that looks good in most styles. I felt really beautiful in all the gowns I tried.

I picked out three that I especially liked, but unfortunately the cheapest of these (which also happened to be my favourite) was double my budget, and the others were treble or more. I'm going to look around when I return home as there are two charity shops specialising in bridalwear, and there may be a couple of discount bridal shops. As much as I loved the dresses I tried today, I don't want to spend the earth on something I'm going to wear once or twice (it looks like we may be having our marriage blessed in my hometown as there are several people who won't be able to get up for the wedding).

I had such a fun day with my mum, and I think she enjoyed the experience as much as I did. I can't think of a better companian when dealing with such matters as wedding clothes! And as I live 300 miles away from her, I've missed her company so much, and vice-versa!

Last Time

2011-08-05T18:52:00.002+01:00

Spud and I are off to Bible camp tomorrow for (potentially) our last stint as Tent Officers. In case you don't remember from last year, a T.O.'s job is to supervise the campers, aged 10-13, 24/7. It can be quite an intense and exhausting week, but also great fun! I have taken away so many wonderful memories from camp, and met so many amazing people.

I say this is potentially our last stint as T.O.s because next year we will be away on our honeymoon during camp week, and the year after we should go along as a married couple to offer general support. However, no doubt we will be called upon to fill a T.O. role if there is ever a shortage!

I am really excited about catching up with everyone, including fellow T.O.'s, Chan, Ben, Briony and Darren; meeting the campers and supporting them throughout the week; and of course, the good old camp grub, especially camp porridge! I have practically been salivating all week at the thought of a nice steaming bowl of camp porridge!

There is just one piece of news to add: Spud and I both have interviews that week. It would be really great if one or both of us had some success. Spud has been trying so, so hard to get a job, and could really use a break in the seemingly endless stream of rejections. As for me, well, my interview is for my dream job: a full time post as school library assistant. It would be truly amazing if I got this job, and there are so many reasons why it would be perfect for us. Anyway, it's all in the Lord's hands, but I would really appreciate it if you would pray or cross your fingers for us (Spud on Monday, and me on Wednesday).

I look forward to catching up with you all in a week, and hopefully having more time to post!

On This Day...

2011-08-04T19:39:00.004+01:00

...Four years ago, Spud and I met up at Bible camp, after a year of talking online and on the phone, and started going out.

On this day in one year, we will finally be getting married, something we always knew we were going to do, and something we've waited so long for.

Happy Anniversary Spud! Thank you for making me so happy! I love you!

Christian Encounters: J. R. R. Tolkien

2011-07-31T10:22:00.004+01:00

I was introduced to Tolkien's work as a child through The Father Christmas Letters, and The Hobbit, which my father read to me before bedtime. Like many children, I loved The Hobbit and couldn't wait for the next installment! This led me to read The Lord of the Rings trilogy as a young teenager, and although I sometimes found it a struggle, I still thoroughly enjoyed it, and felt a real sense of achievement when I finished the final volume, along with sadness that the epic story was at an end. I haven't read anything by Tolkien in about ten years, so I was particularly excited about the prospect of reviewing Christian Encounters: J. R. R. Tolkien for BookSneeze.

Mark Horne's biography about the author of "the best book of the twentieth century" is concise and easy to read, but informative and thoroughly engaging. Horne presents Tolkien's life in a way that would appeal to a wide readership, including a younger audience. As the title suggests, Horne's focus is Tolkien's religious and spiritual life, and this recurs throughout the book. Horne writes this well, and in a way that both Christians and non-Christians can relate to. It has a good Christian message throughout, and Horne weaves this into the biography well.

As an aspiring author, I enjoyed reading about Tolkien's writing habits, and how past experiences may have influenced his stories and inspired his characters, alongside the long and sometimes frustrating journey of a writer trying to get his work to a publishable standard. I could definitely relate to Tolkien's perfectionism!

What came through was Horne's admiration for Tolkien, which I am sure many readers will also share. This is definitely a book for Tolkien fans, but may also be enjoyed by people who haven't previously read anything by Tolkien.

The Travelling Notebook

2011-07-29T12:22:00.000+01:00

Don't forget to sign the visitor's page!

Introductory page and rules

My pages! Can you guess what I wrote about?

I am sending the notebook on to my prospective sister-in-law, Tamara, but I am also working on a second notebook (called The Book of Dreams) which will be sent on to Anna, who inspires me.

God's Love Letters to You

2011-07-11T10:27:00.002+01:00

God's Love Letters to You is a "40 Day Devotional Experience" based on 66 Love Letter's also by Dr Larry Crabb. Each devotional focuses on one of the books of the Bible, and provides us insight into God's love for us through Crabb's personal conversations with God. The format of each devotional is simple: it opens with a title and a Bible verse relevant to the day's theme, followed by three or four paragraphs summarising what God is saying to us through this particular book of the Bible. Crabb provides us with some reflective, and sometimes quite challenging, questions and then closes with a short prayer. Each devotional takes just a couple of minutes to read, but readers are encouraged to take more time over the questions to ensure they get the most out of it.

I am reading this alongside my other devotionals, and I am impressed by what I've read so far. It has really challenged me and changed my perspective on certain aspects of my personal relationship with God. Crabb writes with genuine spiritual wisdom and discernment, and his conversation with God is deep and compelling. I believe this devotional will really help me to engage with the Bible and take more from it, as well as encouraging my own faith. I would recommend this to any Christian, whatever stage they are at on their journey with God.

I've Been Busy!

2011-07-10T22:53:00.001+01:00

...Working like a Trojan at Sainsbury's... Driving to work or to Spud's house, and then home again... Getting to bed by 9pm to ensure I get a good night's sleep before work the next day... Going to church... Tending my strawberry and tomato plants (which are doing very well!)... Writing short stories... Chatting to my parents on the phone... Writing letters to friends... Nursing Spud back to health... Planning two Travelling Notebooks... Washing up... Doing my daily devotional readings... Chatting to my Treasure... Helping out at Boy's Brigade... Praying... Applying for a job... Spending time with Spud... Showering... Knitting (but only as of today)... Making the first few wedding preparations... Having recurring nightmares about the wedding... Reading blogs and wishing I had something more interesting to blog about... Reading when I get a spare moment... Dreaming... Adjusting to the new blogger format (which I hate!)... Playing my flute at communion... Enjoying the sunshine... Enjoying the rain... Wishing I had more time to write... Wishing I had more time...

Not all in that order of course! Perhaps this explains my absence...

On This Day...

2011-07-06T00:00:00.032+01:00

...A year ago, I moved into Treasure's spare bedroom. Her son answered the door to us, and Spud and I began to ferry a car-full of my belongings up the stairs and into my new room. It took several trips, but soon we were done, and we then joined Treasure downstairs for refreshments. I spent most of the day unpacking and arranging the room as I wanted it to be, while Spud lounged on one of the beds. Treasure made us salads for lunch, and then she went out for a hour or two. When I was finished unpacking, Spud and I curled up on the bed and watched a film, which finished just as Treasure called me down for dinner: salmon with potatoes and veg. Spud went home, and soon Treasure and I were talking easily, enjoying each other's company.

I don't remember the evening, but I know I sat in my room awhile, trying to adjust to the place that would be my home for the next two years: the halfway house between leaving home and finding a house of our own. That night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable in my new bed. That was the only sleepless night I endured here. I'm happy. Treasure is lovely and we get on like a house on fire. And the last year has flown by!

Watching The Storm Go Out To Sea

2011-06-21T20:24:00.000+01:00

I love this time of the year so much that my heart turns cartwheels! Today is Midsummer's Day, or the first day of summer if you like, and it doesn't matter what the weather does - it's just good to feel warm!

On Saturday the storm clouds gathered, and let rip some thunder and lightning before Spud and I set out. The storm passed over fairly quickly, but it was heading East as we were, and soon caught up with us!

We joined up with some friends from Bible camp for one of our annual rallies. This was the last rally before camp and it always includes a beach trip. When we first stepped onto the sand, the sun emerged, and for a few glorious minutes we put down our bags and coats, and made ourselves comfortable. We were aware of the dark mass of cloud in the distance, growing gradually closer, and quickly assessed the availability of cover. There were several shelters on the promenade, the nearest of which just a short run away.

The moment Spud and I felt the first drops of rain, we fastened our jackets, pulled up our hoods and ran in that direction. We found space on the bench beneath the shelter, and huddled together as the rain started to fall in a torrent. Soon everyone was safely under cover, and it was very atmospheric - a good reminder of what the wettest days at camp can be like, but hopefully not an omen of the kind of weather we're likely to experience when camp week comes rolling around!

I knew it was our storm the moment the thunder boomed, and my heart leapt (you remember how much I love storms?) This was accompanied by a flash of lightning, which was later visible as it streaked across the sky, above the sea. The storm didn't last long. Each roll of thunder was fainter than the last. The rain ceased and the younger campers, eager to return to the beach, left cover. Spud and I remained there, with a few of the other camp leaders, and watched the storm clouds roll out to sea, soon just a smudge of grey on the horizon.

The weather cleared up and his been perfect ever since. The sunlight has painted the whole world golden, the showers are delightfully refreshing, and the wind is a warm hand combing my hair and brushing my face tenderly. I love all the seasons, but there's something particularly special about this time of the year...

The Promise of an Angel

2011-06-19T20:34:00.000+01:00

The Promise of an Angel is the first novel in the Heaven on Earth series by Ruth Reid. It tells the story of Judith Fischer, who has dreamed all her life of marrying and raising a family. On the eve of her nineteenth birthday, Judith’s brother suffers a terrible accident for which Judith feels responsible for. But when she arrives on the scene of the accident she discovers an angel standing over her brother. This encounter changes the course of her life, and Judith finds herself an outcast in a community reluctant to believe the truth.

I didn’t get into the novel immediately. My first impression was that Reid launched too quickly into the plot, and I couldn’t see how the action could drag on for another 250 pages. This perspective was changed though. I soon warmed to the characters, and the twists and turns in the plot kept me turning the pages.

I thought the author brought the Christian message into the storyline very well, and presented a very true picture of the hardships of faith. Judith is tested and persecuted for her faith, but learns the essence of prayer and trust as she waits for God to unfold his plan for her and her family. I was also fascinated by the author’s descriptions of life in an Amish community. I got the impression that Ruth Reid had experienced firsthand what life the Amish way must be like, because she painted a really vivid picture of this in The Promise of an Angel.

This was very enjoyable, and I’m sure I will read the next instalment, Brush of Angel Wings, when it is released next year.

Curing the Moon Blues

2011-06-16T20:15:00.000+01:00

I'm sure most women are familiar with the "Moon Blues" (you know, the ones that occur once a month - I felt like being creative and coining a new phrase). When these occur, we need a few little comforts and pick-me-ups to keep going. Here are my tips:

1) Run a hot bubble bath, get in and... drown yourself. Only joking. That's what I felt like doing today when I was feeling particularly lousy. Well, not really, but I did submerge completely for a while (apart from my nose and mouth - the water wasn't deep enough) and found this really relaxing. Being under water shut out all the background noise. I felt like I was on a higher plane of sorts and this enabled me to really think and get to the core of the tumult of emotions I experienced today. When I resurfaced I felt a lot better. Both my sore muscles and my hormones improved for having a good soak.

2) Do an activity you enjoy. For me this was typing up some short stories and a poem. These are all recent works and I've barely had time to give them the attention they needed. Typing them up was a very therapeutic task and I enjoyed engaging with my rushed first drafts and developing them further still. Doing something I considered productive made me feel great! Listening to some of my CDs while I did this also cheered me up.

3) Treat yourself to a favourite snack. Today I bought myself some yoghurt coated fruity flakes, with the intention of taking them along to work in the mornings and eating them for breakfast, as it's too early to eat much at that time. I love yoghurt, and I love dried fruit, so these elements combined were like a taste of heaven! I also made myself a pot of tea, and later I had a little chocolate to perk me up (chocolate always works!)

4) Talk to a sympathetic (female) friend. Men never have and probably never will understand Moon Blues. Probably all they notice (if anything at all) is that we're sometimes rattier than usual (I know I can be sometimes). I've found the best way to vent how I'm feeling, is to talk to a close friend who has seen me at my best and at my worst, and is willing to accept me all the same. Females are the best for this, because obviously they can empathise, having been through this themselves. And also, we women like to talk about these sorts of things, don't we?

5) Finally, I turn in early and take time to unwind before bed to ensure a good night's sleep. I almost always feel better the morning after, and ready to turn over a new leaf and start again.

And that, my friends, is how I deal with my Moon Blues.

When I Fell in Love

2011-06-14T13:48:00.001+01:00

When my mother lifted the borrowed viola out of its case, time seemed to stand still. She raised the bow and gently drew it across the strings, the note penetrating the quiet of the room and piercing my soul. The sound was imperfect as my mother hasn't been playing for long, but it still held me captivated. When she had finished my brother intervened, but he handled the viola with roughness, carelessness.

"May I?" I begged, holding out my hands to receive the wooden instrument, but it was a further few minutes before he surrendered it to me.

I copied my mother's pose as best I could, resting the base beneath my chin. The position felt awkward, and all the more so when my mother corrected me, but the sound the viola produced when the bow grazed against the strings was heavenly. My left arm ached, and the bow felt far to long for me, but I loved every moment.

I have wanted to learn the violin for so many years, and my few minutes on the viola was, I believe, the start of something. It gave me an idea of how to handle the instrument and how challenging it will be to learn, but overall the experience inspired me not to give up on my dream. One of these days I will learn.

A l'Hopital

2011-06-03T16:30:00.000+01:00

Spud and I spent three hours in A&E today because he was showing symptoms of Endocarditism, which he is currently susceptible to. We were fairly sure he was fine and intended only to visit the Walk-in Centre, but because Spud suffers from a congential heart condition, the hospital pulled out all the stops for him and referred him to A&E. It seems having a congenital heart condition equates to an instant VIP ticket into the NHS.

So within minutes of arriving, we found ourselves sitting in A&E, and I don't mean just the waiting room, but inside the emergency ward itself! We felt rather out of place in the midst of the bustle of doctors and patients covered in blood or strapped up to heart monitors, but Spud was seen to fairly quickly. He was placed on a gurney and given an ECG in the corridor, and a few minutes later moved into a room when one became available. He was then attached to a heart monitor, and we were left to our own devices for several minutes.

A nurse kindly offered us a much appreciated drink, and a junior doctor had a good long chat with Spud to find out more about his symptoms and his condition. Spud's main concern was the heavy breathing he's experienced the last few evenings, on occasions when he's been fairly inactive. He was eventually given a blood test, and while we awaited the results he was taken through for a chest x-ray. At this point I had to leave and buy another ticket for the car, and as we didn't think he would be in for much longer, we agreed that I would wait for him in the waiting room.

I waited another hour. I wasn't all that anxious as I knew he was in good hands and that it was unlikely that anything was wrong. I had a book to distract me from my overractive imagination. Eventually he came out, his eyes scanning the crowded room until they fell on me. I was relieved to see him, and glad to find that he had been given the all clear, but it did cross my mind that this is one of many hospital visits I am likely to attend with him. I know a lot about Spud's condition from what he's told me and from doing my own research. I know that it is fruitless to worry about his future, our future, as he can live a long and normal life despite the severity of his condition. And I don't often worry these days as I know he's receiving the treatment and advice he needs.

Super Brother

2011-06-01T21:39:00.000+01:00

I am on a week's holiday leave, and I've used the time to return home and visit my family. Spud and I have been here a few days now and we're having a lovely time, catching up with various friends and family members. My parents went on a romantic get away for two nights, and returned today.

Last night I had Dearest Friend and Darling Girl over for a meal and some DVDs. I cooked Chicken Korma, and so created rather a lot of washing up. It was late when my guests left, and by that point I was too tired to clear everything away, so I left it until the morning. However, when I got up I found the washing up had diminished completely, with a exception of a few pots and pans, and my brother Dave doing up the drying up! When I expressed my gratitude he pointed out that I had made him dinner the night before, and that before leaving home I was always the one who did the washing up, but all the same, this was something I hadn't expected!

Both my brothers have matured a lot over the last year. Perhaps it's the prospect of the coming changes - one off to university and the other going to sixth-form college. I have to say, I'm very proud of the two young men who are beginning to emerge!

A Productive Day

2011-05-23T14:39:00.000+01:00

Spud is doing a full day's work at the nursery today, and so I've found myself with a full day on my hands for the first time in ages! I thought, initially, I would crack on and see if I could get some writing done, but I am now halfway through the day and haven't done any writing at all. I don't consider the day a loss though. In fact, it has been a very productive day in other areas of my life.

I had a nice long lie-in until 9.15am (yes, that is a "long" lie-in for me), and then enjoyed some quiet time in prayer and worship. This lasted a lot longer than anticipated, and made me think that rather than launching straight into writing, I should just take the day as it came. So the next thing I did was to get my flute out and have a good practice. Treasure heard the music, and we ended up having a mini jamming session with her on the piano. We played through "Lord of the Sea and Sky" together. It made me realise that I am ready to offer my flute/playing to my church again.

Spud paid me a surprise visit at lunchtime as he's only working a mile or two down the road and was given a whole hour for lunch. I may do some writing this afternoon if I feel inspired, or I may do a few other practical things like tidying and organising my room so that next time I have a day to myself I am more likely to do some writing (my motivation is greatly affected by my surroundings, and I am less likely to write if my room is messy and disorganised).

I just feel completely revitalised. Sometimes if I dedicate a whole day to writing, I don't get anything worthwhile written down and feel rubbish at the end of the day, so it's good that rather than straining for inspiration, I have instead pottered around and taken the day as it comes. And maybe some inspiration will arise later on...

All Change

2011-05-17T10:24:00.000+01:00

Spud is now one step closer to finding employment. He has just started working voluntarily in a nursery, 3 mornings a week, which will hopefully lead to either bank work or a more permanent position.

I have an interview on Saturday for a part time administrative post at Sainsbury's. This is a line of work I'd prefer to go into but have been prevented from doing so due to my lack of experience. Sainsbury's aren't asking for experience as the successful candidate will receive full training. My only disadvantage will be the competition I face.

My parents are both applying for jobs, one internally and the other two counties away! (Don't worry, this isn't due to relationship issues - it's more to do with desperation due to appalling management in the work place).

My brother is coming to my city to study (provided he gets the grades). Only last week he was veering towards Bath Spa which was originally his first choice.

My other brother took his first GCSE exam yesterday and will be starting sixth-form college in September.

My Grandpa is showing small but definite signs of improvement. He now has the energy to sit up in bed and read.

My granny, his wife is adapting to the prospect of being housebound for a while, rather than gallivanting across the country/world like they used to.

My other grandma is adapting to life as a widow, and for the first time is able to return to bed when she's not well, rather than struggling through the day in order to care for someone else.

In other news:

My strawberry pot has produced one seedling!

I'm settling into my new job!

I'm looking into doing some voluntary work like Spud so that I can gain more work experience!

I'm also looking into how I can develop my writing career!

And despite working nearly a third of the hours I used to work, I still don't have time to do anything! Lol

So there you are, a complete and thorough update.

Church Family

2011-05-09T11:16:00.000+01:00

Last night at church I did something that was quite brave for me. I stood up at the front during "testimony time" and spoke to the congregation. I didn't say anything profound. I just said thank you to everyone for making me feel so welcome, and that finding a family at church has both helped my move and my spiritual growth.

I say this was quite brave for me because this very act is one of the things that I find most terrifying. I am not a good speaker, particularly when called upon to speak to a big (or even small) group of people. But it's something that God has been urging me to do for weeks now. Every time "testimony time" has come round, I've remained rooted to my seat, feeling like I didn't have anything important to say and so therefore it didn't matter, when really God has done so many great things for me, things that others need to hear.

I know I was shaking from head to toe and stumbling over my words, but at least I did it. God gave me the courage and the kick up the backside that I needed, and the loving smiles from the congregation assured me that I was loved and accepted, and that what I had to say was well received. I am so happy to have found a church where I belong (I never felt this way about my last church which I attended from the age of three) and to find a family there! I am really excited about finding out how God wants me to serve there.

Last night was the first step, and hopefully with time I will become a more confident speaker and learn to really profess my faith verbally.

Girl Talk With God

2011-05-05T20:21:00.001+01:00

Girl Talk With God by Susie Shellenberger is a series of transcripts of private conversations between teenage girls and God. I wasn't quite sure whether these were complete works of fiction, or whether they were based on real conversations, but through these Shellenberger tackles many different issues that teenage girls face every single day, including eating disorders, fashion and relationships, and demonstrates how God can challenge and comfort even in the midst of these. I think it's a book I would definitely have appreciated when I was younger. It certainly provided answers and guidance that may have benefited me at the time.

There were one or two places that were unbearably cheesy and I found myself inwardly cringing at such moments, but overall I think Shellenberger succeeds in putting forward her message: that God is with us through thick and thin, and desperate to have a deep and personal relationship with each and every one of us. It certainly encouraged and inspired me in my own relationship with God. It also reminded me that as well as praying and talking to God, I should also listen to Him. While I don't think I would read the book again, I have copied several extracts into my prayer journal for future reference.

Wedding Fever

2011-05-02T21:00:00.001+01:00

Spud and I were amongst the billions who watched the wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton on Friday. We felt that as it was a historic event we ought to watch it - it's not something that happens every day. I also absolutely love weddings, and must admit, I was rather drawn in by the atmosphere.

We didn't participate with any of the Royal Wedding themed celebrations taking place, but watched it in Treasure's living room, just the two of us as she was watching it with her son and daughter-in-law. We sat through the full four hours, and although it dragged at times, it was nice just being lazy and witnessing the spectacle: laughing at all the silly hats, and imagining what was going through the Queen's mind at various points in the day. I liked it that the wedding was a very traditional one, and I think it was good for Spud to see as he's never been to a wedding before!

The event made me all the more excited for our wedding as it will be the next! I know other couples who will be getting married before then, but I will not be directly involved (other than enjoying the photographs on Facebook). I now appreciate just how quickly time is passing, and how soon my wedding day will come around. It doesn't feel like six months has passed since William and Catherine announced their engagement. It doesn't feel like (nearly) two and a half years since Spud proposed! Just think how quickly the next year is going to go by!

Here's One I Wrote Earlier

2011-05-01T21:43:00.003+01:00

I wrote this a few years ago and it featured on my last blog and also my Facebook page. It is a piece I am particularly proud of, so I decided to post it again.

Ten Things I Am

Recognition of my God given identity

1) I am a daughter, a sister, a fiancee, a grand-daughter, a niece, a cousin. I hope that if it is God's will, I will someday be a mother. I am a friend, a best friend, a confidant, a carer, a colleague, a student, a class mate. To some I am a merely a person known only by face. To others I am a stranger, a passer by, someone they might see once in their lifetime, someone they might pass by without even noticing. To others still, despite my lack of fame, I may be merely a name thrown into a conversation

2) I am a person of equal worth to anybody and everybody else in this world, no matter their social status or position. This is because we were all created by God and he holds no person above another. I am by no means superior to anybody else, nor I am inferior. Neither are you

3) I am designed by a loving creator; handmade in his image with love and care (you are too!) I was given life at an exact time, in order to fulfill a purpose given to me. I am a one off model, a limited edition that will walk this earth for maybe up to about 80 years or so until my time is done

4) I am diverse. Nobody else in the world is completely alike, no matter how many ithings we have in common. More than 6 billion people walk this earth, and nobody is the same. No two sets of eyes are the same. When I walk through crowds I see a multitude of colours, an abundance of different outfits, hair styles, faces... The air is alive with a cacophony of voices. I am learning to praise God in these moments

5) I am forgiven for all the stupid things I've said and done over time. I can't turn back time but I can turn my back on the past with the knowledge that it has been forgiven and forgotten. Every new day is a new day because all the bad parts of yesterday have been forgotten. The slate has been wiped clean and I know that this forgiveness will continue all my life. I am free because of this. I am no longer bound by the oppressive, painful memories of the past because I have been released from them by the one who loves me

6) I am beautiful in my own way, just as everybody in the world is uniquely beautiful. This beauty is not necessarily physical, as beauty comes in many shapes and forms. I always have been beautiful even when I have not known it

7) I am learning to be selfless, to serve others in all situations and put their needs before my own. I often get it wrong because I am too hesitant or shy, but I am given new opportunities to give it another go each and everyday. I am learning that servitude is about making time for people, and often about making difficult sacrifices

8) I am an illumination of my shadowed former self. I am learning to step out, to speak up in the name of God, and to fight the good fight. I'm not saying that it's effortless; it's far from it. In fact, it is all too easy to fall back into my old habit of hiding myself, allowing my oppressive shyness to overshadow me once more. It takes a lot of prayer, patience and perseverence to get it right

9) I am loved, not only by my fiance, or my friends and family who show that they love me and like me by wanting to be with me and showing genuine care, but I am also loved eternally and unconditionally by my heavenly father (as are you!) If there is one thing to rejoice about it's that

10) I am a woman of God. And the sheer beauty of this is that total strangers are beginning to see this in me simply by looking at me. His love is transforming me

Catching Up

2011-04-28T17:35:00.001+01:00

I love spending time with Spud, but having some time apart today has enabled me to catch up on a few things that have been rather neglected recently. After a spot of lunch with Treasure, I treated myself to an activity I haven't had time for in a long while. I did some baking and made Chocolate Almond Biscotti. After that, I finally got round to planting my strawberry seeds. I bought the kit ages ago because I absolutely adore strawberries and fancied growing my own strawberry plant (although judging from my track record with pot plants, this one doesn't stand much of a chance). Then I got down to doing some practical jobs, including filing some paperwork, and doing some tidying. I can't stand my room being messy!

Today has made me realise that all couples need some space: some time to pursue their own interests, or simply to catch up as I have this afternoon. Some of my colleagues from my last job were happy to be apart from their partners for several days at a time (which is probably why they lasted longer than I did in the job). Spud and I aren't like that, but we still need a bit of time apart as this is healthy. Having got on with the tasks that were previously hanging over me, I am now refreshed, and looking forward to seeing Spud tomorrow!

Baptism

2011-04-26T16:14:00.002+01:00

Buzzing

2011-04-24T23:05:00.001+01:00

It was the atmosphere: row upon row of people; the music and the singing; the Easter décor and banners; the great big smile on our minister's face and the passion in his voice as he led us all through the service.

It was the words: the gospel reading, which we all spoke together in unison; the prayers and songs; the testimonies and Bethany's contribution; Spud's fearlessness, his lack of nerves through and through, as he stood at the lectern and told us the journey of his faith.

It was the adrenaline racing through me as we were called up and welcomed as members; the way my nerves diminished because the sea of people I faced were my family, my loved ones; the way I gave the wrong response for the third membership vow (and knowing that it didn't matter because God knows what I meant and that I meant it with my whole heart).

It was that moment of standing in the pool with Spud and our minister; seeing Little One standing up on his seat so that he could see, feeling the murmur of the crowd; one hand on Spud's back and the other on his arm as we lowered him into the water, and watching him rise back up seconds later.

It was the warmth of the people that came to greet us afterwards, the hugs, the kind words, the feeling of belonging somewhere at last; the smell of the freesias presented to me; saying goodbye to my family who leave tomorrow, yet knowing I have family here; keeping half an eye on Little One who raced around the church, looking so smart and cute as a button in his suit; watching the water being drained from the baptismal pool so that it could be dismantled and put away. Until next time.

All of these things stirred my soul and made my day. I am spiritually buzzing.

Easter Sunday

2011-04-24T10:30:00.001+01:00

What

a beautiful day

for a

Baptism!

(Writing style shamelessly copied from Anna's blog Beyond the Misty Stars, because she captures life so perfectly and I wish I could write like her!)

#46 Pink Confetti

2011-04-23T21:14:00.001+01:00

It fell from the tree and left the road and rec looking like the aftermath of a wedding party. It pooled at the roadside, forming pink puddles, so vivid and so beautiful. It made me feel a little sad. The tree I was admiring just last Sunday will be bare within a few days.

Later, I watched Spud dozing in an armchair, as I'm sure he'll do when he's an old man. I thought to myself, this is what it will be like to grow old with him. And I liked that. When it was time to go I put my book away and climbed into his lap, smiling as he resurfaced from sleep.

We walked past the playground, alive with activity, and to the quiet church around the corner. The main door was locked, and so we sat on the step, side by side, but only for a minute because the side door opened and our friendly minister ushered us in. The baptism pool had been erected, and we had a little run through in preparation for tomorrow. We even had a little practice at the immersion part, although not actually in the water. I took in the Easter décor: the cross at the front, the flowers and the banners. I think Spud's baptism tomorrow will be very powerful and moving. But then, baptisms always are. I rarely make it through dry-eyed.

#45 Coming Together

2011-04-22T11:21:00.001+01:00

I was thinking recently about my hobbies and interests, and realised that the satisfaction I get from partaking of these is from watching things come together, which is something most of my hobbies and interests have in common. When I write, I get a real thrill from watching the page fill with words and a story emerge. When I knit I love watching a piece of knitting grow from just a few small stitches. The same goes for sewing, particularly when I'm working on a piece of patchwork. I also love to do jigsaw puzzles, and making the picture more complete with every piece. I get so excited about life in general when I see things fall into place, or when a solution to a problem is revealed, an answer to a prayer.

This is just a random observation, something that struck me the other day, and it has given me something to blog about at least.

#44 A Flower

2011-04-21T20:47:00.000+01:00

We were sitting in a cafe, drinking tea, when an elderly gentleman rose from the table behind and approached me, proffering the prettiest flower, white with pink edges. He said it didn't fit in his pocket, and that it would suit me better. He was with a lady, presumably his wife, and I was with my fiancé and my family, so nothing about the situation struck me as being sinister, but I couldn't help but remember Prelude to a Kiss, particularly when the gentleman took my hand and gave it a friendly squeeze (Spud later said something similar had crossed his mind). He had been an explosive expert in the war and had been awarded seven medals. It was very sweet of him to think of me. I thanked him profusely and wished him well as he went on his way. It was a touching moment.

#43 Palm Sunday

2011-04-20T14:10:00.001+01:00

Pictures from Sunday

#42 New Beginnings

2011-04-19T19:32:00.001+01:00

Today, as I was racking my brains trying to think of something to blog about, I realised that I haven't mentioned my new job at all. I've attended three training days over the last three weeks, two for my induction and the third for till training, but started for real last Friday. I was very impressed by all that I saw and experienced that day. I went around with a colleague who taught me all I needed to know, and then the next day I began to work solo. Of course, there was a lot to take in and I wasn't expected to take everything in, but there were plenty of people around to assist if I came into difficulty.

The biggest adjustment I've needed to make is getting up at 4.15am so that I am ready to begin work at 5am. However, I haven't found this too much of a challenge so far, but probably after my first full week I'll be telling you a different story! I just have to make sure I get to bed by 9pm at the latest the night before a work shift, but I found after a day of work I was more than ready to go to bed at this time and slept very well.

I also have to adjust to having so much free time on my hands! I only work 16 hours a week, and I always finish work at 9am which means I have the rest of the day to myself. I also work set hours, and always have Sunday - Tuesday off. I have the option to do some overtime, and will most definitely try to pick up some extra hours, but my set hours cover my rent and petrol costs at least, which is something.

I found the content of work enjoyable, and even therapeutic. I like the challenge of trying to find the item required. I will eventually have to complete an order in a set time, which will make the job even more exciting. The handset I use to scan items with is basically 'idiot' proof, which reduces the likelihood of mistakes and makes the device fairly easy to use.

My hope is that I'll settle in quickly and make some friends. I also hope I'll prove to be a satisfactory member of the team and do my part to ensure the company's excellent reputation continues.

#41 A Day With Emily

2011-04-18T21:12:00.001+01:00

Yesterday we had a lovely day on the beach with my family, but you'll have to wait until I can get on Spud's computer for the photos, as I'll probably use up my internet usage for the whole month uploading them! Instead I'll blog about today.

My friend Emily has been in my neck of the woods since Saturday, visiting her brother who (as it turns out) lives very near me! Emily came over yesterday evening and stayed the night, putting my spare bed to use. She even signed Treasure's visitor book which dates back to 1953! We spent this morning showing her around the city, but as it turns out, two hours isn't nearly enough time. We did fit in a visit to the cathedral though, which is really the best place to start in any city, and as it was her first time we documented the trip with a few photographs.

Unfortunately, Emily had to catch the 1.30 train down to London to see her granny, but she's hoping to return in the summer to complete her tour of the city! I haven't seen her in nearly a year but it was wonderful catching up with her, and showing her a little bit of my world.

#40 Heartwarming

2011-04-17T08:32:00.001+01:00

Yesterday I spent a good twenty minutes in a waterside fish and chip shop, feeling like I could gain about a million calories just from inhaling the air! It was a pretty evening; the setting sun painted the sky and surrounding clouds pink. I would've taken a photograph, but I was just so eager to see my family! The chalet they're staying in is minute and basic, but cosy and cute. It smelled so strongly of paint that it made my nose run, but I liked it. I think if I could get rid of all my clutter I could live quite comfortably in a place like that. Sometimes I dream of simple living.

We ate in the living room/kitchen, sitting in a semi-circle on the comfy leather sofas, enjoying the grub and the company. I was just so happy to have the five people I love the most in one room, and away from the sadness of death and loss. The holiday is just what we all needed. Afterwards we ate vanilla sponge cake (made by dad!) and then watched Britain's Got Talent, which every year I vow not to watch and then always do! And it really made us all laugh out loud!

By the time we left, I'd been awake 18 hours (19 by the time I got to bed). Although I had a little rest on Spud's bed while we were waiting for my family to arrive, I didn't quite fall asleep. And then, this morning, I awoke from strange dreams before six, which shows my body is already adapting to my new sleep pattern, but thankfully I fell asleep again until some more reasonable time.

Today my parents are coming to church with us, and then we hope (weather providing) to enjoy a picnic on the beach. Little One will be joining us as Spud and I have started taking him to church, and he loves it so much that he wanted to go yesterday. And then, in the evening, my friend Emily is coming to stay the night as she is in my neck of the woods! I am so happy and excited, my heart is warm. Maybe I'll take some photographs today to share with you tomorrow.

#39 Always Waiting

2011-04-16T14:55:00.002+01:00

I'm waiting for my family to arrive. They are coming to stay for Easter week!

I'm waiting for the day Spud and I can find a place of our own.

I'm waiting for nightfall so I can lay my weary head down and sleep.

I'm waiting for tomorrow when my dear friend Emily comes to visit.

I'm waiting for my wedding day.

I'm waiting for Spud to return so I can make peace after being tired and ratty.

I'm waiting for the day my book is worthy of being published.

I'm waiting for the children I hope one day to bear.

I'm waiting for the day I meet my dear friend Anna.

I'm always waiting for something. What are you waiting for?

#38 Loveliest of Trees

2011-04-15T20:26:00.001+01:00

I'm too tired to post today, so I will leave you with this delightful poem by A. E. Housman that I came across the other day.

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now

Is hung with bloom along the bough,

And stands about the woodland ride

Wearing white for Eastertide.

Now, of my threescore years and ten,

Twenty will not come again,

And take from seventy springs a score,

It only leaves me fifty more.

And since to look at things in bloom

Fifty springs are little room,

About the woodlands I will go

To see the cherry hung with snow.

#37 Brightening Up

2011-04-14T10:55:00.001+01:00

Yesterday Spud and I headed South and visited my other grandpa, who was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. Although he is home from the hospital now, he's receiving both oxygen and scheduled visits from carers as he is incontinent and bed-ridden. While I knew he was in a bad way, I wasn't quite prepared for how weak he really was. When I arrived he was lying feebly on the bed looking extremely pale and weak. His face brightened when he saw me. I kissed his cheek and held his hand, my eyes filling with tears which I blinked away before he noticed. He commented on how cold my hand was in his own.

My grandpa is not a man of many words, but we talked with him until the carers arrived, and he talked a fair bit in return. Even conversation was a physical effort for him, and once or twice he had to pause mid-sentence and take several deep breaths before he was able to continue. My eyes stung on those occasions, but I don't think my distress was visible to him. I just tried to be as normal as I could, and to take his mind off his discomfort. Granny said over lunch that he had talked a lot more than he usually did. What really pleased me was the way he seemed to brighten up as the day went on.

When we got back in the evening after seeing some friends, dad told me granny had rung to say grandpa really enjoyed our visit. I'm glad Spud and I were able to provide him with stimulating conversation and a bit of a distraction from his present circumstances. We still don't know the full extent of his cancer but it's not sounding good.

#36 Heaven

2011-04-13T23:49:00.002+01:00

At the funeral yesterday, my mother and her siblings all gave a personal tribute to Grandad. My aunty, who was with him when he passed away, spoke of the last few days of his life. Despite his dementia, he had moments of lucidity. Once he distinctively asked for my mother. He gave other small signs that his old self hadn't been defeated by dementia. And of course, he smiled until the very end.

Shortly before slipping into a coma, he said to my aunty, "heaven". She told him that the Lord Jesus had forgiven his sins and that he would be with him very shortly. Apparently, at this, my grandad had looked so joyful.

The service was lovely. There were moments of sadness and moments of great joy as we remembered where my grandad has gone to be. It was a real celebration of the life of a great man, who will always live on in our memories.

#35 The Car From Another World

2011-04-12T21:12:00.001+01:00

This is ‘Spud’ doing a guest post for ‘Kess’. She did ask me a while back to do one, and I did start, but it ended up as a bit of a boring ramble which would probably just bore you all. Today’s post probably won’t be of great interest to you either, but I’ll try and keep it short(ish).

‘Kess’ may have mentioned I have a bit of an interest in cars, ok, a bit of an obsession. Well, one car, the Renault Avantime, holds a special place in my heart. I put this car in my top 3 favourite cars, alongside the Jaguar XJ220 (a beautiful supercar from the early 90s) and the Lamborghini Countach (a mad but iconic super car from the 70’s and 80’s). The Avantime is my achievable dream, as much as I would love an XJ220 or Countach, with the prices being comparable to houses, I’m unlikely to be able to ever afford one.

So, why is the Avantime special? Afterall, it’s a Renault, loads of people have them, they’re not special. Well, the Avantime is quite a unique car. It originated as a concept car, for those who don’t know, concepts are built by companies and displayed at shows as one-offs, some are there just to show off new technology or styling with no intention of the whole car to be put into production, others are a demonstration of what an upcoming car will probably look like, this allows companies to see how much the public like it before putting it into production, so they can make minor changes, although they usually make the concept a bit sportier than the production model just to whet the appetite. The Avantime came into the former category when it was unveiled in 1999, it really didn’t look like a car that they would actually build. However, in 2001, they put it into production virtually unchanged! Well, externally, the concepts interior was completely typical concept - looks nice but far too expensive and impractical for a production car.

The Avantime is a coupe-MPV, a new hybrid-class car which was supposed to appeal to err, well, that’s where it went wrong. Big Renaults are never popular over here, why spend Mercedes money on a car that has no image and might fall to bits, as well as losing all its value? The Avantime is based on an Espace, the original MPV, but it only had 5 seats, not 7, and 3 doors, not 5. So it was a less practical Espace that looked nice. But it is very nice, its totally different with is silver coloured aluminium roof bars, and pillarless doors which create a continuous open window space from the front to the back of the passenger compartment, well, you can see from the pictures, and whether you love it or hate it (or are indifferent) I think you will agree that its completely different and will always turn heads.

A couple of features that can’t easily been seen from the outside include an enormous sunroof (area of 1sq/meter) and a button which simultaneously lowers all the windows and opens the sunroof, making it as close to a convertible as you can get without actually having one. The other unique feature about this car is double hinged doors, as you can see the doors are very long (if you’re nimble you can get in the back without moving the front seat!). With a normal car hinge to open the door enough to get in would mean you would need plenty of space, something you don’t have in a multi-storey! With this design the Avantimes doors only need the same amount of space as a Clio (Renault’s supermini).

So, why am I writing about this? Well, as I mentioned earlier, this car wasn’t too appealing to buyers, and as a result there are less than 450 in the UK. So, I get quite excited whenever I see one, but jump at the chance to drive one, which I got the opportunity to do yesterday. As we are visiting family, we are in a different part of the country, and there was a garage with one nearby. I have test driven one before when there was one at a local garage, about 3 ½ years ago. This one was the favoured colour (illiade blue, as used in the promo pics) and had the more economical engine (it’s not very economical unfortunately). Apart from the lack of heated seats and cruise control, which isn’t a great loss, this car was perfect, as it was also fairly low mileage and in excellent condition.

Driving the Avantime itself isn’t an overly amazing experience, like many modern cars there is a sort of disconnection between the driver and the wheels, our current car, a Perodua Kelisa, very basic car, is a very involved driving experience, whereas the Avantime is more like driving a space ship. You sit miles away from the windscreen and pilot it around, but it’s lovely and quiet, and the engine is very sedate, it’s not sporty (although it was supposed to be as it has a turbo and 165bhp). The car glides along giving you a wide view of the world from your elevated position, you can sit comfortably, looking across to the digital speedo that sits far back into the dash. Kess also drove the car, and although she agreed the car was a very different driving experience to our current car, it was still something she would be happy to drive.

Please check out my website www.renaultavantime.com to see some pictures, videos and info about the car.

#34 A Happy Kind of Sadness

2011-04-11T15:10:00.001+01:00

Dear Grandad,

We went to see you today. The funeral directors brought you home to Grandma's house at 10 o'clock this morning, and there you will stay until the funeral tomorrow.

The first thing that struck me was the peace that seemed to emanate from Grandma's house, something that every visitor has commented on. We sat in the room where you died (I sat in more or less the very spot where you breathed your last) but it wasn't sad or macabre. We talked about you. We laughed. We shared a time of prayer.

You would be so proud of grandma. She has been so brave and so practical. She wanted to keep you at the house until the funeral, but the warm weather prevented her from doing so. She urged us all to touch your head, even just for a second, because she said that this diminishes the fear of death, and she was so right. You looked so dignified and peaceful that although we all felt an acute sense of loss, it was hard to feel sad. Any sadness we felt was, in a way, tinged with happiness. Happiness because you are at peace and no longer suffering.

As grandma said, you are not here any more. You are with the Lord, and one day we will see you again. She cried a little as we viewed you, and spoke to you so tenderly. I know she loved you so very much. You shared nearly 58 years of marriage, and even though you didn't know who she was towards the end, you still showed her that she meant a lot to you by kissing the back of her hand whenever it was near.

Afterwards, mum and dad showed us the church, and the pub where the wake will take place. We also visited the cemetery, and the double plot where you will be laid to rest. Trees lined the pathway, their branches laden with pink and white blossom, and the stunning view of the river was not in any way affected by the dismal weather.

Thank you for touching all our lives. It has been a privilege knowing you, and it was a privilege seeing you looking so peaceful in death. I miss you and I'll never forget you. I know that one day we will meet again, but in the mean time I'll strive to make you proud of me.

All my love,

Kess

#33 Homemade Truffles

2011-04-10T21:06:00.000+01:00

Spud and I made truffles last night. They are so simple. All you need is:

40g butter

40g icing sugar

100g plain chocolate

100g sponge trifle fingers

1. Finely crumble the sponge fingers.

2. Melt the chocolate and butter in a pan.

3. Add the icing sugar and crumbs to the chocolate and butter and mix thoroughly.

4. Leave the mixture in the fridge for 30 minutes.

5. Take a small amount of the mixture and mould into a ball.

6. Roll the ball in some icing sugar and then put to one side.

7. Once you have used all the mixture, place the truffles in the fridge for another 30 minutes.

Enjoy!

#32 The "Sex" One

2011-04-09T22:41:00.003+01:00

I don't know why I feel compelled to share something so deeply personal, especially as I know several of my readers in real life. Perhaps it's because since reaching adulthood three different women have recognised me as a virgin just from talking to me. This might be because of my openness about my religious beliefs, or perhaps from the way I behave. On the whole, however, most people assume that because I'm in a serious relationship I have had sex.

Spud and I have been together for nearly four years, and have known each other nearly five, but we decided even before we started going out that we didn't want to have sex before marriage. This wasn't an easy decision to make, and has been even harder to enforce, particularly when we were in a long distance relationship. We wouldn't see each other for long periods of time, and then we'd be together 24/7 for a couple of weeks. We certainly haven't made it easy for ourselves.

We have another year to go before marriage, but in the time we've been going out we've known many couples meet, get engaged, and marry. I feel that by waiting we're showing our commitment to each other and our commitment to God. In this day and age, sex has become such a casual thing, and by waiting we're making it something special. We have the rest of our life together to enjoy that side of our relationship.

However, I do realise that this is a personal choice, and I don't want to sound like I'm judging other people, which I'm not. I just wanted to share my thoughts.