Monday, 31 October 2011

To Spook, Or Not To Spook

My Reasons For Not Celebrating Halloween

For most, Halloween is simply a night of having fun and partying in costume (and for many my own age, involves lots of drinking) but it's just something I've never done. I was brought up in a Christian family, and was sheltered from the Halloween traditions and festivities. I never felt deprived, as I never had a strong desire to participate. All my life I have grown up loving God, and I feel as a Christian I shouldn't be celebrating a holiday that contradicts my faith. 

Yes, for most, Halloween is simply dressing up and having harmless fun, but it's the themes that trouble me. It centres on scaring people, demanding treats and playing tricks, dressing up as devils, ghosts and ghouls... 

I'm not condemning Halloween. I'm just giving my own reasons for not having anything to do with it. In the future, I certainly won't be taking my children trick or treating. Instead, they will have to put up with going to light parties until they are old enough to decide for themselves. 

This year, my church aren't hosting a light party, but instead they order 'bags of hope', a free resource from UCB, for members of the congregation to take away. These are simply bags containing two Christian booklets, one for a child and one for an adult, and a handful of sweets so that the kids aren't completely disappointed. I don't remember any trick or treaters calling last year, but I took one just in case, and it's now waiting in the porch for any callers I may have tonight. 

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Smiling On The Outside, Bleeding On The Inside

Sometimes I get down, but it's not you that gets me down

Aztec Camera - The Birth of the True

I went through a spell, just recently, when I felt quite down. It began mid September, and I thought of it as my six month blues because I'd been in my new job six months. This was the length of time I was in my last, much detested job, and also the length of time I'd been away from it. I was beginning to acknowledge the stress I'd been going through during that period. I'd denied a lot of it, and put it away, but it was starting to resurface again and I was having to deal with it. 

Alongside this, I was beginning to feel the pressure to get a better job. It's not that I want to leave my current job, but I just felt that I needed to do better. Spud didn't have a job, but he's saved all his money since the age of ten so that he could buy his future wife (aka me) a house. I felt like I was letting him down by not getting a better job, even though he assured me I wasn't. Anyway, after my perfect interview for my dream job back in August (when I was told, in Spud's words: you were excellent, but there was someone more excellent...) I was still applying for jobs, and not even getting an interview. 

Finally, as I said before, Spud didn't have a job and we were beginning to talk worst case scenarios. With only me in employment, we couldn't get a mortgage, and we definitely couldn't afford rent. So, our options were starting married life at Spud's (which wasn't really an option, because there is no space for me and I would literally be living out of a suitcase!), at Spud's Nanny's house (which was a bit more of a possibility, but still meant a lack of privacy), or Treasure's house (again, a possibility, but no privacy). 

As you can imagine, this issue was getting to me. I've been here eighteen months now, and I feel like I've effectively been in suspended animation - waiting around and seeing no prospect of change, and feeling trapped and helpless, unable to do anything. 

Thankfully, change was just around the corner. Spud got a job, and the worst case scenarios flew out the window as we realised we would most probably be able to get a place of our own now. However, I had just spent a week visiting my family, without Spud this time, and for the first time since leaving home eighteen months ago, I suffered from quite severe home sickness when I returned. 

This hung around awhile, although alleviated fully, along with the rest of my negative emotions, when Spud and I found out we could get a mortgage, and then started looking at properties. It seems that excitement is a good cure for just about everything. 

Anyway, what is the purpose of me writing all this? Well, firstly, I wanted to explain why I haven't been around much lately. I know I have posted a few things, but they have mostly been photos or somewhat detached, not really my style. This was partly because of the emotional baggage I was dealing with, exhaustion, and just general busyness. 

Also, when I'm feeling crappy, I don't like to open up, as I feel like I am burdening people. That's just the sort of person that I am. I like to talk about such things when I have got through a bad patch, thus making it a tale of survival. There are people in this world with far bigger issues than I have to deal with, and my own complaints don't really compare. I am a very blessed person. I think it's important, though, for you to know about that side of me, and that sometimes I am quietly bleeding, even though I am trying to be brave and keep a smile on my face. 

I guess, really, this my attempt to put my feelings into words and to make some sense of them myself. I am fine now. I am my happy, sunshiny self again now that things are moving. Hopefully, I will post again soon. I say hopefully because the coming week is looking to be a busy one, but I intend be a proactive blogger again. 

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Oh, And Did I Mention..?

...Contacting solicitors... Applying for a mortgage... Gathering together documents needed for this... Meeting with our mortgage advisor at very short notice... Applying for jobs... Overtime, including a 3am shift... Painting the church hall... Painting a mobile classroom (in Spud's case)... Attending Ofsted (Spud again)... Reading through contracts... Paying for a survey to be done... Praying the house doesn't fall through... Dreaming about possibly having a house of our own by Christmas!

Sunday, 23 October 2011

We've Been Busy!

...Working our socks off... Researching second hand cars... Buying a second hand car for Spud to use... Babysitting Little One... Going to Little One's first assembly... Saving every penny... Going country dancing... Wedding planning... Sampling wedding cakes... Watching repeats of Don't Tell the Bride... Speaking to a mortgage consultant... Viewing properties... Putting an offer on a property... Waiting to find out if that offer has been accepted... Just waiting in general... Enjoying some peace and quiet... Going to church... Picking up overtime (at least, in my case)... Keeping parents updated... Planning... Dreaming... Praying... Sleeping... Feeling happy and excited... Finally feeling like things are starting to happen!