Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Life's Mysteries, Solved

All my life there are things, experiences, that I've wondered about, but recently I realised that a lot of these mysteries have been solved over the last few years...

I used to wonder what it would be like to leave home, a prospect that I dreaded until I reached my late teens and began to find home a little suffocating... I found my answer last year when I finally flew the nest and settled into my "halfway house", Treasure's home. I found that the independence was exactly what I needed to bring me out of my shell, and satisfy my yearnings for change and freedom.

I used to wonder what it would be like to drive a car... I passed my test second time round when I was seventeen, but for a few years I was such a nervous driver that I felt sick every time I had to take the car out, and I began to wonder if I would ever feel comfortable behind the wheel. Thankfully, I was forced to overcome these feelings when I left home and driving became an important aspect of my daily routine. Over time, following several excursions without incident, I started to relax and driving has became quite an enjoyable past-time. 

For a while I wondered what it would be like to go clubbing, but only tentatively... After turning eighteen, I discovered that it was seriously overrated, and absolutely terrifying. I found that the music was too loud, the drinks were too expensive, and I had absolutely no idea what to do with my arms when I danced. But worse, still, I've found that most clubs teem with single men on the hunt for some action, who seemed to think women were looking for the same thing. I witnessed one, very drunk, creep leap in front of my best friend and start snogging her! After sampling the clubbing scene on a few occasions, I realised that sitting in a pub and talking long into the night with a good group of friends is a lot more enjoyable and worthwhile. 

I used to wonder what it would be like to be romanced and pursued by a boy... I found out when I was seventeen on two separate occasions. The first of these isn't worth reporting (I set things in motion, and nothing actually came of it), but the second was, for want of a word, epic. It was the most exciting, thrilling year of my life, despite the frustration of being 300 miles away from my pursuer and having to wait ten months to hold his hand! That boy made me feel so beautiful, so cherished, so special - he still does! :-)

That led me to wonder what my first kiss would be like... It was beautifully orchestrated: okay, the kiss wasn't, but the setting was. I was eighteen. That boy, and I, lay on a cliff top looking up at the stars (well, we would've been except we couldn't stop staring at each other's faces) and listening to the waves. It was just approaching midnight. I don't know who made the first move; the next thing I knew, his face moved closer and our lips met halfway. It wasn't at all elegant, but it was nice. 

After that, I wondered what it would be like when that boy proposed to me, especially as he proposed to me in an offhand way several times before the official proposal... The answer: Overwhelming. Wonderful. Personal. Beautiful. Perfect. 

For a long time I've wondered what it would be like to wear a wedding dress... I found my answer whilst shopping with my mum the other week: like a princess. 

There are still mysteries waiting to be solved:

What will it be like to have a house of my own? (Because, as much as I love Treasure, I'm beginning to find the arrangement a little suffocating...)

What would it be like to publish one of my novels?

What will it be like to bring a child into the world (to carry it for nine months, to push it out of my body, to raise someone who is part me)?

A lot of you will already know the answers to these "mysteries", and from experience you'll know they're different for everyone. These are my mysteries, both solved and unsolved. What are yours?


Tamara Epps said...

I absolutely love this post (though I disagree about the clubbing as I love it - just can't do it anymore). I'm trying to think of things I've wondered now (is it bad that my brain is refusing to co-operate, lol?)

Kess said...

Not at all! I had to think a lot about this post beforehand. Glad you liked it x