Monday, 14 February 2011

Everything Happens for a Reason

Spud is my first and only love so far, but I endured six years of crushes and broken hearts before we found each other. For the most part, the crushes and broken hearts were at my end. From the age of twelve, my deepest desire was to get a boyfriend. My biggest fear was that I would die alone and unmarried. My quest to find true love was a long one, and I had a lot of learning to do along the way. 

I remember my first crush all too well. Because his surname came before mine in the register we normally sat next to each other, because most of our teachers adopted the policy of seating us alphabetically. I was lucky. He was just about the only boy to treat me with kindness and respect throughout high school, and perhaps that was why I fell for him. The rest of the boys at school had visual impairments in that they either couldn't see beyond my outward appearance (which wasn't anything special), or they couldn't see me at all. It was only later when my feelings for him were nothing more than friendship, that I told him how I had once felt about him. We are still very good friends. 

That crush lasted throughout my first two years at high school. For my final two years at high school I developed small, but brief crushes. I remember, particularly vividly, almost having the chance to hold hands with one of my crushes for a role play we'd been set, but I bottled out. I got another person in my group to do it instead, because I was so embarrassed. Thankfully I got over him pretty quickly. 

During my last few weeks at high school I developed what I consider to be my final crush. This continued into sixth-form college where, with the encouragement of several friends, it flourished along with my self-confidence. Having missed so many opportunities, I decided to act on impulse and send him an anonymous Valentines Day card, which I later owned up for. Unfortunately, I realised a few months later that he wasn't the right person for me, but this was badly time as he'd just realised he had feelings for me, and asked me out. I turned him down, feeling terrible for leading him on, but amazingly this experience brought us closer as friends. 

I didn't know back then that only a few months later I would meet the man who was meant for me. That summer I grew so much closer to God, and realised the time had come to surrender every single one of my desires, hopes and dreams, including that of finding a boyfriend. Instead, I prayed that God would find me the right person at the right time, vowing to wait patiently, or accept my fate if this was not a part of God's plan for me. Less than a fortnight later, my prayer was answered, although I did not know for certain at the time. I exercised extreme caution, praying carefully and always looking to God, but everything unfolded smoothly. 

I no longer regard all of my previous crushes as 'missed opportunities'. I believe I learned a lot during those years prior to Spud, and all of those experiences have contributed to the person that I am today. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I can honestly say that it has all worked out for the best!

Happy Valentines Day to you all! <3

1 comment:

Anna said...

And again, you made me cry with these words.
How lovely, lovely, lovely you are.
What a story Kess!
* Fills up again *
AML
Anna
xxxx