I am in a ratty mood. Or, at least I was. Now I feel rather worn out and could hardly care less.
It hasn't been a good day. In fact, it has been a really, really crap day and if I had a duvet I think I would just curl up underneath it and stay put. The good news is I very rarely get days like this.
I had my first formal interview today. I'm sure you don't need to ask to know that it did not go well.
I struggled with the task set, and didn't answer the questions competently at all. And then, once the interview was over and the secretary was going through my CRB form she pointed out that I had made a mistake so I had to fill it out again. And when she got me another form, I was so shaken up over the interview that I made another mistake, a real silly one this time, and had to ask her for another form.
Even if the task and interview had gone well, it is highly unlikely that I would have been appointed. There were two other candidates, let's call them A and B. A was a middle aged woman who had travelled 230 miles to be there today. B was in his late twenties and lived locally. B was the problem.
First off, he had the qualification that the panel desired (although only the willingness to train for it was essential).
Secondly, his training had involved dealings with the unit so he knew everybody there including the whole panel.
Thirdly, he was very well prepared and had pages and pages of careful research. And he didn't half lord it over. He must have taken one look at his 'competition' and known he had already secured the position. But that's just the bitch in me speaking. He really was worthy of the job and if they haven't appointed him then they must be mad! (I haven't heard yet, but we'll come to that in a minute).
So I returned home feeling rather dejected, and trying to fight off the tears. I changed, had some lunch, and then Spud and I went to a job fair. It was really helpful, and I feel a little more hopeful than I did earlier.
Afterwards we mooched around the city centre. It was so hot and muggy, and I was beginning to feel light headed. I was still wearing my interview shoes and they were rubbing my heels painfully. When I was descending the stairs in W H Smiths my heel must have got caught and I stumbled, almost losing my balance. A couple coming towards me looked concerned, and the man held up his arms as though in attempt to steady me, but luckily I regained my balance myself. It was very embarrassing though and at that point I really was willing the ground to swallow me up.
At my request, Spud and I headed back to the car, which we'd parked on a friend's drive. She was at home when we got back and invited us in for a refreshing drink. It was much needed, and I felt my spirit reviving as I sipped a can of Pepsi, straight from her fridge.
As we were leaving, my mobile phone received a text message to indicate I had a new voicemail message. It was from one of my interviewers and requested that I ring back. My phone hadn't rung at all. I'm sure if it had then I would have heard it or felt its vibration. Although I tried ringing back (several times) it was too late. So thanks to my phone and its temperamental signal I won't find out that I haven't got the job until tomorrow. What a horrible day!
Well, it wasn't entirely horrible. Something happened just before the interview to make my day slightly better. The post came and I received a lovely letter from Bethany! So thank you Bethany for making my day. Your letter was the only good part of it. Oh, and the lovely supportive comments I've received from people, so thank you.