Monday, 5 April 2010

#5 Breakthrough

What can I say? It's going well. I previously had visions of myself rising at seven every morning in order to get my work done. It's currently after eleven and I haven't even opened a relevant document yet! I've only just got up having spent two hours in bed, reading for pleasure! You might remember that the day before yesterday I foresaw myself chained to my desk for the next three weeks. Let me explain...

Yesterday afternoon, when lunch was done and I had finished the mass of washing up, I opened my dissertation, starting at the place where I came to an abrupt halt, weeks ago. As I was reading through my supervisor's feedback, a light bulb flashed directly above my head, and within minutes I was fully engaged with my work, in a way I hadn't been before. Previously I've felt that what I've written was merely a presentation of the critical studies I've been reading, written academically, but putting forward nothing new. Then, yesterday, I made a complete breakthrough, and formulated an idea of my own. Although the phrasing took the whole evening, I managed to get my idea across in an intelligible, even sophisticated manner. I have a plan now and I'm looking forward with excitement rather than weariness. I know it will take a lot of work, but not as much as I originally thought. I may just get a holiday as well!

I've made a similar breakthrough with my half-marathon training. On Saturday I ran a nine mile route I've run once before, and was able to run it comfortably. Had I not been pressed for time, I would have perhaps taken a slight detour home which consisted of a further two miles. I have just over three weeks until the run itself, and I know it is enough time to prepare me. My father and I are off for another run this afternoon, and we're aiming to run an eleven mile route on Friday. 

On Saturday night I enjoyed a night out with my two best friends, Dearest Friend and Darling Girl. I hadn't seen them in weeks, and it has been longer still since we've spent some time together, just the three of us. As nice as it is to go out with a big crowd of friends, sometimes you do need a night out with just your two closest friends. 

Coincidently we ran into someone we all knew from school, and hadn't seen for five years. He stopped and chatted to us for a few minutes, and I began to realise how much we had all changed since our school days. After commenting on the fact that Dearest Friend and Darling Girl were more talkative than he remembered them, he nodded at me and said, 'This one's still quiet though.' 

I put my cocktail down, and smiled. 'Oh, you'd be surprised. I'm not as quiet as you'd think'. 

He asked what I was up to, and I spoke for a minute about completing my degree and moving three hundred miles away. As I was talking I felt something well up in me; something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I thought at first it was pride, but I don't think that's the correct term. I realise now that I felt at ease within myself and where I am in life. I have made a personal breakthrough. 

I am beginning to believe in myself for the first time in my life. No, let me rephrase that. I am beginning to believe in what I can do if I put my trust in God. This reminds me of what it says in Philippians 4:13 - 'I can do all this through him who gives me strength'. 

Sometimes in films, the protagonist reaches a turning point and suddenly they feel happy and competent in their role, whatever it is. This normally results in a series of clips to demonstrate this, with some upbeat music playing in the background. I feel like I am experiencing the same sort of thing. My life isn't a movie or a fairy tale, but it's going well at the moment, and I feel I have reached a turning point. 

Anyway, I really had better do some work now, otherwise it will be a completely different story tomorrow!


Anna said...

This was so refreshing.
I've never reached that stage, the one where I'm fairly happy with who I am.
It has eluded me to this day.
You have a very intuitive mind, Kess,
and it shows in your writing.
I'm sure your examiners will notice this.
They would be daft not to!
( And now, back to chocolate. LOL )

Bethany Mason said...

Firstly, Happy Easter. Thanks for this post - it really cheered me up and reminded me of all the times I have felt that feeling of breakthrough - both with work and with my life - so has really made my day :)

Kess said...

*Anna* Thanks, petal :) I think the examiners do realise - can't see why else I'm getting all these firsts! Lol.

Enjoy the chocolate :)



*Bethany* I'm glad you found the post encouraging, and can identify with that feeling of breakthrough :)

Mariel said...

I gotta agree with the comments of the ladies before me. I had fun reading this post. But I guess that always happens whenever I'm in your page. :)

Kess said...

Aw, thank you so much Mariel :) That is a real compliment!