Sunday, 17 January 2010

Uninvited

But you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

- Alanis Morissette - 'Uninvited' -

Ow. How can a two letter word express so much pain? It would be fair to warn you that this post is going to be shamefully self-pitying as I've just been slighted and feel the need to get it off my chest.

I was a bit miffed, you see, to learn that all my friends attended a party the other night, and I was the only one uninvited :( I know the group too well to know that the slight was completely unintentional, and if I had any inkling that any of them read this blog then I wouldn't be posting this. I know they would be devastated to hear that I feel left out. They probably thought I was working, or something...

I know sometimes my work hours and time away visiting Spud can interfere with social gatherings, but I could have made this particular party. I was only working until 6 that night.

This isn't the first time that I've felt left out lately. I have another group of friends who, until quite recently, I was good friends with, but we seem to have lost touch. I don't know if they still meet up, but if they do, then they haven't invited me along. I haven't seen them in months, and last time I seem to remember that it was me who organised the meeting.

It's made me feel quite isolated and insecure. I appreciate that the next year or so will be a real test to my friendships, and I'm beginning to see the ones which won't remain intact after the upheaval of my move. I've more or less come to terms with it, and I have a couple of friendships that I know, without a doubt, will survive.

I've decided that one answer is to invite all my friends to the party I plan to throw for my 21st, and then perhaps I will receive some invites in return, whether to parties, or just to meet up generally. That way, hopefully I'll know where I stand. I apologise again for this blog. I prefer to write upbeat and uplifting posts, and this one is more or less the complete opposite.

6 comments:

Bethany Mason said...

I totally understand how you feel as I have had the same problem in the past - I stop getting invites because they assumed I wouldn't be able to make it because of once or twice my M.E. was too bad. What I learnt was that one true friendship is much better than many half-hearted friendships.

Sarah said...

Oh, Kess...I know exactly how you feel. When I graduated high school and went away to Etown, it was like I was dead to my friends. Now that I'm back in New Jersey, they are all begging me to come back to them. Whatever happens, just remember that you have a following of friends here who will never leave you, wherever you go :-)

Lots of love,
Sarah

Mariel said...

Kess, don't apologize for posting this. It's not wrong to post about what you're feeling.. And btw, I'm sure your 'friends' will soon realize what they've been missing.

Kess said...

Thank you everyone for your understanding comments. I am really humbled by your support :) I know I have found some true friends here on blogger :)

*Bethany* I'm sorry to hear that your M.E. has disrupted some of your friendships too. You're right though, having a handful of good friends is so much better than having lots of fickle friends. I just love the way you put it :)

*Sarah* Aw, thank you! The same goes to you too :) I am so thankful to have met so many lovely people through blogging.

Lots of love,

Kess

*Mariel* Thank you for being so understanding :) I don't like moaning, because I don't feel I have anything to complain about generally. And maybe you're right about my friends

Ashley said...

Has being engaged changed friendships for you at all? It has for me, big time. People don't really ever invite just me to things, or hang out with just me. I think my friends tend to either think of Bryan and I as a single entity, or that I'll be busy doing engaged-people stuff. They treat me like I'm not a normal college student like them anymore. And when we invite them to hang out, I think they feel weird with us as a couple, like they'll be a third wheel or something.

Anyway, it may be different for you in a long distance relationship and moving soon, but being engaged and having single friends is hard. I think it's only going to get harder in marriage, too. So, I understand how you feel. I think things will get better though, and true friends will stick in there through all the craziness.

Kess said...

*Ashley* Yeah, actually being engaged has! It's almost as though now that I am engaged one group of friends (separate from the group that left me out the other night) don't want to be around me any more. It's strange, but perhaps it's like you say.

I'm sure I'll move on and make new friends, perhaps with other couples so that no one feels out of place.