Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Alternate Life

This is my call I belong to you
This is my call to sing the melodies of you
This is my call I can do nothing else
I can do nothing else
Sixpence None the Richer - 'Melodies of You'

Very occasionally, I ask myself the 'what if?' question, and wonder where I might be now if Spud and I hadn't met. Whenever I do this I always feel a painful swell of panic, as though I fear I might accidentally tumble back into the past and relive the last few years without even knowing him. It would've been so easy for our paths to have never crossed.

Before Spud came into my life, and I lived in total ignorance of the happiness to come with his introduction to my life, I often thought about the future, wondering where I might be in say five years, ten years, twenty years time... I don't think I ever thought I would be engaged by the age of twenty. I didn't really believe I'd even have a boyfriend at this stage in life!

Spud is so perfect for me, despite being virtually my opposite, and in some ways my 'alter ego' when it comes to personality, our faith and our long term plan being the majority of our middle ground. Sometimes I wonder, had we not met the way that we did, if God would have enabled us to meet some other way, or if I would have met someone else.

I don't believe the latter would have happened. I certainly doubt I would've met someone better for me than Spud. I think of him as my right hand. I feel lopsided when he is not here with me. For the first few days following those temporary partings I feel restless and disoriented, forced to adapt again to life without his physical presence.

All I know is that our meeting was a blessing, one spurred on by God's approval, and with the certainty that we are two halves that fit together to make a whole. He makes me smile. How he makes me smile. This is love!

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